Other than complete honesty...even if you think what you have to say will hurt her...it will just take time..patience..remorse..understanding..and love.
Im going through the same thing with my WH. I don't believe he loves me. Why should I? His actions haven't been very loving. His words mean shit. He lied over and over for YEARS. Im watching his actions..so far,he's failing.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I know my WS said "I love you" to the OW, so his "I love you" doesn't mean much to me yet. If you are sincere and genuine in talking with her, eventually, your wife may believe you. Like others have said, you also have to be honest and open about everything. You have to communicate and be patient with her.
You can say, I know you might not want to hear this but I love you and will spend every day showing you. I will never quit. I am so sorry for hurting you.
If she responds in silence or anger, take a deep breath and give her space. You could also ask her what she needs you to do. You cannot take back the past. You can only work hard on right now
As the others wrote, it is going to take time.
[This message edited by LA44 at 2:38 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]
Talk to her in her love language.
Strategy 2: Instead of telling her what you want to tell her, ask her what would say 'you're loved' to her - and then do what she says.
Teach yourself that saying 'ILY' isn't the only way to say you love her.
Give both of you time. Consistent loving behavior is what really says 'ILY'.
[This message edited by sisoon at 4:17 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]
I can tell my husband I love him all day long. But you know what speaks to him most? When I put my book down on the coffee table and go outside and help him rotate the tires or change out spark plugs. Why? Because acts of service speak to my husband.
If I never said another word to him and instead kept the house up, washed the dishes every night, did yard work, and helped maintain the vehicles, that alone would show him I love him. It's how he's wired.
Of course I don't just *do* stuff. I *tell* him too. Doing and telling go hand in hand in R.
I agree with sisoon. Read the 5LL book. Sounds so trivial. But I'm telling you what, once me and hubs read the 5LL, it opened up a whole new world.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?
We both read the The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It's an excellent, short read.
You have some great advice here.