[This message edited by FUTURE at 1:08 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]
So when he said he was leaving and started packing, I knew I could not be his audience. I started crying and could not stop.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, figure out what you want, and act on it. He started leaving, and you freaked out. Mixed messages much?
I don't condone verbal and emotional abuse from a BS--but lashing out? They're entitled to a little of that, after how we treated them.
What I did was so wrong on so many levels, and I know he is devastated by my actions, but...
What I see is a woman not taking responsibility for her actions, and complaining about her lot in life. Pot, meet kettle--I get it.
So, so I don't need him preparing me for an early grave and the kids don't need either of us yelling, arguing, crying, etc. in their presence making them feel even more insecure than they do now.
This sounds very serious. If he won't pack and move out, maybe you should. For your health. And the childrens'.
I also made a decision to work on the marriage if he was willing to do the same.
Unfortunately, for some BSs it doesn't work like this. You need to show commitment for the long term before they'll even think of fully committing. Its just another normal reaction, a way to keep themselves safe.
You have every right to determine what your line is as far as abuse, FUTURE. IMO, what you've posted sounds like lashing out, venting, and setting requirements on you, but I'm not there to make a judgment call on if he's being abusive or not.
Look, he wants to be in constant contact, even when you're at the gym. So what? After you've had an A, he needs what he needs. It sounds like he may need to be more important to you than your hobby right now. Is it really a problem to give that to him? I think if you start to see things like that, you may see a change in his behavior.
From what you're posting here, I'm getting a sense that something's missing. It almost sounds like you're questioning your own commitment to R. Can you really face this for the long term and learn to dig into your worst self, to learn to help your BH with his triggers by giving him what he needs?
There's a lot of "why can't he get over it" in your post. The sooner you can accept that he may never "get over it" the sooner you can truly commit to R.
It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier
Future, R is not easy to say the least. You have a lot of work to do, so does your BH. Maybe that needs to happen separately. You have children to take care of and to do that you need to take care of your health. Boundaries are always good to put in place for both of you. Good luck
This is rough. I know.