I told her the other day something is really missing for me. Its intimacy. I have posted on this a few times. Its being desired, It's her sharing her heart and soul with me, being vulnerable, being sexual, overall feeling happy and loving everyday. She chalked it up to me neglecting her in our marriage, her having to trust me again to not hurt her. She went to IC and the therapist told her she brought those feeling into our marriage prior to even meeting me. She got hit by a 2x4 last night. Now she is starting to get on board with really working on her childhood issues (We will see). I feel she has been going through the motions but not digging deep. Now I feel I need to help work on herself. She told me and the therapist told me I need to be patient. This process takes a while. She needs to find it in herself. I guess I want a healthy relationship ASAP. I want to feel loved and desired. But I can't expect that if she doesn't love and desire herself. Damn you time!!! Sometimes I wonder how long I can withstand this. We have come along way quickly. I am doing pretty good with the A. These are now all the issues of our marriage this is why I detached previously and this is why she always felt neglected. These are the REAL things that led to her A and being broken...
I feel the same! I want my FWH to help himself, but I can only lead him to water and can't make him drink. They have to do it for themselves.
I hate time, too. It's my enemy, I just want to get all of this over with already! Ok, maybe I wasn't the right one to answer, but that's how I feel.
I'm not going to say this is all your wife's doing at this point. It takes two people for a dynamic like this to play out this way. This was likely also something that you brought into your marriage. You recognize it now and you will have to work on that while your wife is working on her stuff. Have you heard about Codependent No More? It's a great book.
Its being desired, It's her sharing her heart and soul with me, being vulnerable, being sexual, overall feeling happy and loving everyday.
I can understand most of that, except the last part. It's unrealistic to think that your wife can feel overall happy and loving everyday. It may even be unrealistic for your wife, whatever her baggage is, to be as vulnerable with you as you want or expect her to be. The therapist is correct, people can't change overnight.
How long you wait is up to you, but keeping yourself busy focusing on yourself and working on your issues while she is working on herself will make the time go faster.