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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Advice needed quickly
nolight
♀ Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh how horrible. I think that you should still go, fake it till you make it is right. What she will see is that despite her actions her mother is still there loving and supporting her which I think will speak volumes. If not now then a few years down the track, not going may cause further long term damage to your relationship.

Make sure you schedule something that you've been wanting to do for yourself in the near future too though as a way of compensating and looking after yourself


Posts: 480 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did the right thing. Good for you. Now that's done. This was a rite of passage for your DD and it was right that you were there even if you got so little credit or acknowledgement for all you did to get her there.

I have an older sister who was so desperate for our father's attention that she would throw her mother under the bus any day. Our father didn't respect my mom and my sister followed suit. She's in her 50s and still the same. My mom loves her no matter what and used denial to cope and stay in touch with her. Hard to watch.

Not saying this is what will happen with your DD, but some kids are like this for a short while and grow out of it, and some kids are always assholes. (referring to my sis not your dd)


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5798 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my post "Npd-in action" you can see how much he is wrapped up in rage and hatred toward me....still. I know he has alienated her from me, and all I can do is pray for her.

Thanks again everyone.

Just texted her to let me know if she wants a pic with me, we will see.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2650 | Registered: Jan 2010
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Chrysalis)))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7803 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Chrysalis)))


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15193 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked if we could take a picture together and she said she was too busy.

Well, I tried. I will attend graduation tomorrow, take some pictures, and then leave.

And then I will go ride my horse, plant flowers and have a great rest of my day.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 6:27 PM, May 24th (Friday)]


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2650 | Registered: Jan 2010
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Chrysalis)))))


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20028 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
ArkLaMiss
♀ Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. That's really sad that she's blowing you off like that. Anything "extra" for her, I'd pass on. Like if she needs money, etc. tell her you're sorry buy you're short this month. Enforce some boundaries with regards to her. She sounds like a brat to me. Treat her as if you love her, but do NOT let her control you through her brattiness.
Hugs.


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1178 | Registered: Jun 2007
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. I have already cut her off. Just hurts...KWIM?

She has fallen under NPD -x spell. I am the evil- doer and cause of all problems.

I am getting a lot of practice at not caring at all what others' think of me this week. Tonight was her grad party that I did not attend. NPD-x's family is all in town and I am sure it was spun that I am an unreasonable bitch...And all the folks from here that went.

But, I will be OK. I am just really sad and heart-broken at the moment.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2650 | Registered: Jan 2010
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Chrysalis)))) I can imagine few things more painful than the rejection of your own child.

You are a GOOD mother and I'm proud of you for going and being the person of integrity that you are. And I'm proud of you for being able to draw those boundaries, to not allow your daughter to walk all over you. You are amazing.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2507 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
FirstLoveGone
♀ Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My heart is breaking for you Chrys.

I can't even imagine how you are feeling. We all know the pain of being betrayed and rejected by our Xs, but the pain inflicted by children must be 1000 times worse.

Take care of yourself. I hope your heart can heal.

[This message edited by FirstLoveGone at 11:20 PM, May 24th (Friday)]


Posts: 1269 | Registered: Oct 2009
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Chrys)) I am sorry that you have to deal with this. Kids just don't get it sometimes.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8439 | Registered: Apr 2008
moonview
♀ New Member
Member # 37203
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Chrysalis)))

This is not "quick advice" since you've already been through the events in question.

However, I commend you for participating as "mom" with head held high.

During the last two years of high school, and while struggling with 2 years of college, my DS went through terrific anger following the divorce of his mom and dad. The brunt of which was directed at me.

4 years have passed. I know I've made mistakes dealing with DS, but I delivered "tough love" when necessary, stayed about the fray and remained cordial. Bottom line, he always knew I was there for help when he needed it.

Fast forward 4 years. He's now 22 years old. He and I recently talked in depth and with honesty about all that has transpired. His anger, his feelings toward his dad, his goals, his dreams. (He spoke of putting his dad on a pedestal when DS was a youngster, and now realizing on his own his dad's profound narcissistic tendencies.)

On mother's day this year, DS sent me a card with this handwritten note: Thanks for being the best of all possible moms. Having your support has helped me through a lot, and I know it will continue to do so. Love, DS

4 years ago, I would not imagine a note like this in a million years.

So hang in there. You are doing a terrific job. It is SO difficult.

(AND I completely get the therapeutics gained riding a horse!)

[This message edited by moonview at 11:29 AM, May 25th (Saturday)]


"Barn's burnt down… now I can see the moon."
(Masahide, Japanese poet, 1657? – 1723)


Posts: 15 | Registered: Oct 2012
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