You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact
[This message edited by Linus1968 at 7:29 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]
.....and no. I won't feel guilty about it.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
I would have been perfectly content had he not sent me a Mother's Day message. I was not expecting it, and quite frankly, coming from him it was tainted and almost an insult (if he had such high regard and respect, why did he cheat repeatedly??). We owe each other nothing in that regard.
Don't beat yourself up. You don't ower her anything, and you are not a jerk. A superficial sentiment is worse than not sending anything at all, IMHO...
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
Especially when there's an OP on the scene, undoubtedly telling them how great they are on this occasion.
But as a mother, I guess I kind of expect XH to wish me a Happy Mother's Day because you know what? I AM a damned good mom and he 'should' at least bother to tell me that.
I will also wish him the same on Father's Day because whether I think he lives up to snuff as the dad he was - he DOES care about our children and is a good dad to them. I will not be sending a box of "#1 Dad" golf balls, but I will say, "Happy Father's Day", likely via text. I will also purchase a gift from the kids for him as they're not working adults to do so for themselves. Nothing extravagant, but cards and like something small because no matter what a dick he was to me, he does try to be a good father.
I won't make a Saturday out of Father's Day shopping, but I know my kids will ask if they can do something for Dad.
We're not buddies or pals; we don't celebrate shit together anymore, but that is one day I 'expect' an acknowledge IF I deserve it, which I do. And I will tell him the same as well.
We women ARE interesting! (it's good and bad! ) You dudes keep us guessing as well!
As far as your situation - if it doesn't kill you to shoot a text; do it. If you truly feel she's not a good mom, don't...but if she is, next time do. Even if you know she's big headed about it; if she's good to the kids, let her know with a simple, "Happy Mother's Day" (say whore to yourself).
For Father's Day I'm going to let the kids make him something or take them to a store and let them pick something out. Only because it will hurt them not to have anything for him, not because I want to celebrate his day. I will allow them to pick out their own gifts for him and that is appropriate I think, whereas he went shopping for me on their behalf and that is not something I want anymore.
You weren't wrong in not wishing her a happy Mother's Day. She has OM now to do that, why does she get you also?? She threw you away.
Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.
Yet, within 6 weeks of the divorce call, the OM is paintballing with my son and the WW. I think he was around earlier.
When she found out she was pregnant, she told my children, on Thanksgiving Day, that she was going to marry the OM to have a father and family for the unborn child. (Which did not happen, I might add. Now, we have to deal with the legality of that. But, I digress)
My DD got mad about something at WW house. She yelled at the OM. I get a text saying "Can you speak to DD. She should not be yelling at OM like that," which WW is right, DD should not be yelling at adults. BUT...she is your daughter just as much as mine. Why am I the one to discipline her when she gets to my place?
My DS is not doing good in school at all. I visited his guidance counselor to find out what to do. I emailed his teachers over and over. I set up the account to get his grades by email to me and WW. I ride him by texting during school "Are talking to your teachers about make up work and if you don't understand the material asking." I set up a tutor. Then I get a text yesterday from WW "I see he has missing assignments. What is he missing?" I don't know. Look up the email, ask him, ride him "what assignment do you have?" Do the grunt work like I do. I am not sitting on all of his homework waiting for you to ask. Be a parent.
And, of course, this is the tip of the tip of the iceberg. I hope you get the point.
So, is she a good mom? My kids are not starving, no bruises, safe shelter overhead. But, all the crap she has put them through, I just don't want to talk. She want to be the fun mom. Sorry, I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. With my friend on the dating site, I just thought out of respect. Now, that I reviewed some of the things she has done...I am glad I didn't...
And if I get a Happy Father's Day text, I will toss my cookies on her...oops, I mean toss her a cookie...
[This message edited by Linus1968 at 8:48 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]
I took them shopping for him... and haven't received a text or acknowledgement in anyway for 10 years.
If he ever mentioned it.. I would return the favor. He gets what he gives.
Is he a good dad...in some ways yes. He hasn't missed a CS payment since I asked for income deduction. He provides a home for them, they will not starve at his house. He provides insurance.
Do I trust him with their emotional well being.. in a word NO. He is manipulative to the NPDegree. My older three kids get it.. youngest doesn't yet... but she is fast approaching the point where the others had their rude awakening.. so it's coming.
Hugs, keep being the parent that the kids can count on to keep them moving forward toward THEIR goals.
Continue to be YOUR best. You're doing good..you are.
PM sent too.
[This message edited by wannabenormal at 2:03 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)]
Thanks again, everyone.
But, not to fret, I went to a friend's house, had a blast. In fact, we celebrated 4 birthdays. 2 kids, 2 adults. So, it was good. As good as it can get without family.
[This message edited by Linus1968 at 7:51 PM, May 26th (Sunday)]