Karmahappens: this is exceptional. Glad I have your stuff to read.
Thank you LA
I appreciate your experiences as well. It is so much easier navigating through these long months, years even, with people that support and pull for each other.
Being where I am now I want people to know there is real healing and hope to be found.
I was so broken and such a mess, most of my healing, my inside me stuff, really happened over the past year. It's when the pieces all finally fit and I was ok, really ok.
I just want everyone to get here. To be able to truly live a happy healthy life has changed my entire outlook.
I still have things I work on, but I work now knowing there is a solution and life can be sweet.
(((hugs))) LA and thanks for the smile.
Sorry for the t/j runningblind
[This message edited by whatdoto at 8:52 AM, May 24th (Friday)]
Some of these reasons may not be politically correct but they're mine.
[This message edited by so_lost at 9:48 AM, May 24th (Friday)]
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
And that brings me to the second important factor: Love. He was and has become again the love of my life. Since D-Day, he has been showing in many ways that he does love me, too. He has been wonderful.
A third factor: I was ready to walk away from the M. I told him that if he could not bear to end it with OW (with whom he had a deep and meaningful friendship in addition to the illicit sex), then I would set him free--that I wanted him to be happy. I was astounded at how quickly he chose me over her. (Note: I did NOT do the "choose me" dance. I knew I'd be fine if we decided to D.)
But of all these things, remorse was the key. If he hadn't shown remorse, I would have initiated D proceedings immediately.
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA
But the bottom line was love and a remorseful spouse. Both had to be proven over time.
It's not always easy though. There have been millions of times that I wanted to just leave. I knew I would be fine financially and felt like the pain would disappear. But, I said he had one year and at least one of us was true to our word.
3 years later, I'm glad we chose R. Hang in there. It might take him awhile to show true remorse.
Time really does heal.
EA D-Day May 2008
PA D-Day May 7,2010 (same A)
I know R is such a personal thing and requires much soul searching. It's had enough without the input of others outside the relationship but damn is it hard to ignore.. Worse are your own internal doubts. Thank you all again.
2 years later, when I found out about the ongoing porn use I decided I'd stay until the children are out of the house. Again, I loved him and hoped for the best since he said he hated what he was doing and stopped looking at it, joined a 12 step group (very sketchy attendence, but I didn't mind as long as he stayes off the porn....but now I wonder if he shouldn't go regularly because of his bad attitude since being off porn.)