SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I suddenly have an unexpected and inexplicable urge to visit the OW now, today.

Why? I think I want to tell her she means nothing to my H and I want to hurt her, want to threaten her, tell her that all she's done is made me and my H grow closer. Obviously not tell her about the pain.

Would it help?

She is a psycho I know that much but I'm not scared.

Tell me please why I should/shouldn't go.

I understand the urge to do so, but it's not worth it. Don't do it.

What do you think will actually come of it? She won't care, she'll probably lie and if you threaten her, she'll likely seek legal action just because she can.

Fuck her. She's nothing.

Pls don't for suem crazy reason it makes them feel better knowing it bothers u don't give the low life satisfaction.

These woman arnt bothered how much u r hurt if they were would never of gone with married men.

Spend the time talking and building your relationship with your husband.

Sometimes when the dust settles from the chaos of the divorce, we get a moment's peace and our minds can wander again.

Purposely contacting a psycho is not a healthy thing to do. It is very common to want to "poke the sleeping dog", but your best move for the long term peace in your life is to "grey rock" her -- appear to be as boring as possible.

In your spare time, look online at places you and your husband might want to travel to and dream THOSE dreams, not getting her all back in your life. She's probably too psycho to care anyway.

I also frequently have this urge. It really sucks that there are really people out there who are this evil. I mean it is bad enough to do this type of thing when in the midst of the illusion of saving the WS from a bad marriage, but to show no remorse after understanding the destruction that has been caused is hard for an average moral person to comprehend.

I am like you, I constantly want to contact OW. I want an apology. I want to explain what she caused. I want to save others from her path of distruction.

I was told to write a letter and burn it. Writing the letter was therapeutic for me. I have not burned it yet.

The folks here have not steered me wrong yet. Listen to them. Every time I thought my situation was different and I didn't listen to the folks here I was wrong.

Good luck in healing.

To this day I still want to contact her...

But I won't. She specifically told WH right after dday (after receiving a fb message from me) that she wasn't going to talk to me. I try to remember this comment when I want to contact her because it reminds me that she has no remorse, is immoral, and nothing will come from contacting her. For a month after the A she continue to email WH once a week....this is not a remorseful person, what would I really get out of contacting her? Do I really need to reopen that wound so that she can pour salt all over it?

I did the letter writing thing too....it did help a lot. I still have to print it and burn it though...

In my own logical, rational mind (er... hello... where did THAT go??!) I know that nothing good would come of it but I'm really struggling right now and feel I need to DO something. I don't know what really. My H is as remorseful, caring, considerate as I could wish for (obviously given the circumstances) and if he knew I was thinking this would panic, no doubt, as she really is an unhinged and mentally unstable individual.

I'm not sure why but I have this urge to even just drive to her house and sit outside in my car - why?? I can't answer this. Perhaps it's not having a proper outlet for my emotions - apart from my H who is beside himself trying to do the best he can to help me recover.

We are currently seeking a new MC person - the last one was too hands off and finished back in March - so I should hang on til then I'm sure.

Suffice to say that due to the responses I've received so far it has stopped me from driving there. I was in the car when I sent the post using my phone. So thank you for your replies - it means so much to me x

Reminder that this is the Reconciliation forum. There is no venting about OP or OP namecalling in this forum.

Thank you.

Don't invite crazy back into your life.

What helped me? I would write emails to her - let all the venom out. But instead of sending them to her, I would post them in general. I would get the support I needed here to know that my feelings weren't crazy. I got my feelings OUT. It helped tremendously.

NC is for both you and WS. Do you really want to invite that back into your lives? It would set you further back rather than push you forward.

Perhaps it's not having a proper outlet for my emotions

I think you are on to something here.

instead of doing something hurtful when you feel the need to act, try to find something that enhances YOU and your life. For every bad feeling you have about her, can you find a way to give or do something for yourself that is of benefit to you? Kind of a yin/yang form of thinking.

I once bought a lottery ticket and dedicated it to her as I made the purchase. I figured that if I won...If not....it was a donation to education to make up for her lack of work ethic.

Plus, It would make a really good Karma tale that would greatly please me.

Sometimes silly, humorous, and kind things you do for yourself can help.

No contact means NC for both WS & BS.

NC is for both you and WS

I hadn't thought of it like that at all. Good point.

Don't invite crazy back into your life.

Yes - I guess - it's crazy/painful enough as it is.

I can feel this urge slowly dissipating with the thoughts/advice being shared with me here.

Please don't.

But gosh I know how you want to.

She won't care.

Write a letter here to OW (in General) and post it...let that anger out.

Hugs,

Lala

I know how tempting it is to try to make the AP understand the damage that they did to the marriage. I have had to fight the same urge recently when OW broke NC again and BH attempted to call her and tell her to leave us alone (of course he didn't tell me and I found out on my own). It put my trust level right back to 0 after almost a year of NC. I just want to tell her to go away and leave us alone to work out our marriage if possible. Luckily I fought the urge and didn't contact her and vented on SI instead. I tore my WH a new one for lying by omission and let him know the damage that this continued breaking of NC was doing. I think it really woke him up to the fact that this wasn't just going away and his rug sweeping wasn't going to work this time. I also reminded myself that NC meant me also, not just WH and OW. Taking the high road is not always what we want to do, but it's the best thing to do. Write a letter, then burn it, stomp on it, tear it to shreads, but don't contact the AP. (((HUGS)))

UKlady, she won't care about you or your feelings. Nothing you can say to her will have an impact. She won't get the message but she will get a sick thrill out of feeling important and powerful knowing she continually stays in your head. If you decide to do it just remember that you cannot control her. This may not go the way you planned it in your head. You may end up getting more hurt than before. Is it worth the risk?

I know how you feel. I have been wanting to do the same thing since August 2011. We have moved away from A town and I still have to fight the urge to get in my car and make the long drive to OW's house and have a "Come to Jesus" meeting. As much as I want to confront her for what she did and get atonement, I love my family more. She has taken enough from me already. She isn't worth it. She never has been and she never will be. They say it takes 2-5 years to heal from an A, I wonder how long the hatred for the OW lasts? For me, probably a lifetime.

Can you sit on it or a few weeks and see if you still feel the same? I understand how frustrated you feel but please think of the fallout should you confront her. You do not know all of the ramifications especially since she is a psycho. Please fight the urge and vent to us. We are safe, she is not.

[This message edited by BaldwinBeauty59 at 7:00 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)]