The Mrs and her family are going through to the cemetery. Even though she's poorly she said she couldn't not go.
It's very sad and I'm hoping she isn't going to start with the questions she had last year at the anniversary and birthday "what if I had done..." "What if I had rang him..." "Honestly- do you think if I had..."
She tortures herself for no reason. He made a choice, nothing to do with her. They were very close- like best friends more than brother/sister. His wife threatened to leave him- he said "if you don't come back now I'll kill myself" - he wasn't bluffing
Her grief will be magnified with her feeling unwell I reckon.
Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.
Give her some extra attention this evening..hugs,cuddles...maybe you could make dinner for the family...run her a bath...etc.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
2 of her sisters are OK- wimps who hang off her neck but OK, her twin sister is inept- she text my wife "not going today- too much to do". Nice.
sending (((HUGS))) to you and your wife today.
You can't control what the family asks of your wife. You can't control how much she gives.
As she travels through IC she will learn it is up to her to have boundaries with people that take too much. She has to learn to only give what she is able/comfortable giving. If she gets that and lives it she can and will control how much she allows people to take from her.
I understand the pain she is feeling today. My sisters birthday was Monday. She would have been 47 and died in a car accident when she was 17. Your wife does need some extra love and care, it is one of the hardest hurdles I have had to get over in my life.
[This message edited by karmahappens at 3:40 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]
I've chilled out a bit now- she got upset earlier- normal reaction. She did say the old "I wish I'd..." But I managed to cuddle it away. She's fast asleep now. It's awful, when someone is blatantly not well and it's a day like today- who wouldn't want to take care of her or anyone?!
She obviously hasn't been to IC this week but she really does need to explore that. Her Dad is the only one who can see it- everyone else thinks she's Superwoman- or has no feelings. Her sister not going is a joke- her little sister acts as if she was the only one there and her older sister was a crumbling wreck. Now, them being upset doesn't make me angry it's the "do this/do that check whoever is OK/drop whoever off" and the biggest joke came from her Mum "if we were all as tough as Sienna eh? I'd be in bed if I felt like that and how you haven't broken down, I don't know"- oh yeah, fucking ace MIL. I couldn't resist saying "you don't have a clue" under my breath.
Edited to add- she actually cried btw, tears and sad face. As weird as it sounds this is a massive achievement. I didn't mention it of course- I just cuddled.
[This message edited by idiot85 at 4:19 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]
she actually cried btw, tears and sad face. As weird as it sounds this is a massive achievement. I didn't mention it of course- I just cuddled.
You've done good. Most of us hard core strong people are just marshmallows on the inside... and need extra help when the marshmallow leaks out the cracks. I am glad you were there to cuddle.