another part of me cringes...that this is the guy she picked over me.
Yeah...If it wasn't this douche, it would have been someone else. She didn't pick him over you. She opened herself up for this and it was her choice. It's not about you or him or you versus him. it's about her being broken inside.
Also, as far as calling her 'a cheater' often. I know you're hurting and i used a lot of 'not so nice' terminology with my ww early on, but i'm a bit wiser now.
A good rule to use in choosing your words is this, "Is it true? Is it nice? and Is it necessary?"
For this one:
Is it true? - yeah
Is it nice? - maybe not so much
Is it necessary? - probably not
I learned throwing hurful comments really serves no purpose. it makes her feel bad, and it makes you come across as judgmental. Neither is very constructive.
Also, using humor in this situation is probably not a good idea, either.
Hang in there bro. Lot's of good folks here. peace
Thank all of you so much you are all always so helpful.
I love him. He is trying. So lately, I have been telling him:"What you did during those months, 2 years ago, does not define you. You are a different person now. I know you are striving to be the person you want to be."
I've never done it out of anger, never done it to win an argument...but she doesn't like it.
I'm stealing this from another poster but I love it.
If they have cheated, then they are a cheater. Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic even if they never drink again.
Yes, my exact thoughts. My WH will always be a cheater. Works with alcoholic analogy, but I use the felon analogy. You commit a felony, you are a felon for life.
[This message edited by HeartInADustpan at 10:54 AM, May 31st (Friday)]
People can't treat people they claim to love like this and expect a slap on the wrist, the truth hurts and the truth is ugly.
Sometimes I read stuff like this and it makes my head explode. Not having to hear it does not make it go away. It is always going to be there.
At two weeks out, I don't think she has a very good appreciation of what is to come. Cheater is merciful compared to things I have said to my W.
At this point, I would cut yourself some slack. Every BS has said things that have hurt their WS. This stuff is hurtful and it comes with the territory.
DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.
Every BS has said things that have hurt their WS.
I'm sure that's true - I know I did. However, if your goal is R, and if you can at least try to control what you say, some circumspection can help to keep dialogue more constructive.