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Newest Member: KevinTheAsshole (45445)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: A big reason that I'm it your reason too?
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my husband knew exactly what he was say he was insane or an alcholic or addict is just an excuse in my opinion. i did that...tried to look for a reason to explain the "why?" in the didnt work. i knew in my heart that he did what he wanted to because it felt good, and he didnt think he would get caught.

yeah, the reasons for why he is the man he is goes way back to his childhood...his father and grandfather were cheaters too....and he chose that same path...again, all his own decisions.

why i am attempting r? well, he went to rehab, promised to be a better husband...and i see some good in him.

if he pulls this crap again , though..i will divorce him...and i dont care if he at the time was in a straight jacket at a mental institution.

BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1012 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

abusers are sick in the head too.

Speaking as a former WW, every time I answered that phone call or email was a choice. I was not insane. I knew right from wrong.

Maybe some people are way out there and can't control themselves but I think most are not. They know what they are doing...

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5329 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 37932
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This post hit home with me. My WS is a SA and even though he has some serious issues and says he couldn't stop himself, he still admits that at the end of the day, he had a choice but gave into the compulsion.

I know we all want to believe it was out of their control because that hurts less, but no matter what is wrong with them, and let's face it, healthy people don't cheat, it doesn't excuse anything they did.

I am R because I love him, we have 20 years together, two kids, a lot of history which for the most part was great and he is embracing his recovery and doing all he can to recover and to make this up to me.

So, unless he cheats again or stops his recovery program, I did marry for better or worse and this is the worse part.When you hit bottom the only way out is up, so I am hoping for the better part now.

ME-BS 48
WS is SA, multiple visits to prostitutes.
Status: Hanging in there

I would rather be told a hurtful truth than a comforting lie.

Posts: 559 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NC
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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