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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He gets it even though it costs him
Mack9512
♀ Member
Member # 38619
Content  Posted: 8:35 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is a huge Indigo Girls fan (I have no idea why. ) and goes to every concert that they have in our area. Yesterday, he received notice that they will be performing in our area next month so he sent me a text message asking if I had any issues with him going to the concert with his sister (he knows how much I dislike the Indigo Girls). Since he will be with his sister and an arena full of lesbians I said "sure and enjoy yourself". About 20 minutes later he calls me and says that he had been thinking about the concert. He said that a non-friend of the marriage, who tried every trick in the book to be the OW, would probably be there so he didn't think it would be appropriate for him to go (one of my boundaries is that he is not to have any contact with non-friends of the M, especially female non-friends). He also admitted that he was afraid to see her. Afraid that he would not be very 'gentlemanly'. So he is putting aside his love of the Indigo Girls because of the potential of running into this person and possibly breaking a boundary. I love the man that my WH is turning into to.


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 390 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the M-building advice books I read talks about doing things with your spouse not because you enjoy them but because they do. They say the sacrifice is worth it. Kind of like me going to see the latest Star Trek movie with fWH...

Is that a possibility for you?


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 697 | Registered: Oct 2012
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree....he did something good for you, return the favor. It's only a couple of hours and you could do a dinner before or drinks after and make it a good date night. Compromise...it's good for both of you.


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 28, 25, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 308 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Mack9512
♀ Member
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have gone to see KISS, Kenny Chesney, and even Five Finger Death Punch (do not ask!) because I knew that my WH likes their music and in turn he has gone to see plays, opera and an occasional concert with me. I watch sports with him and he sits through paranormal crap with me. We are learning to like what the other likes, however, I draw the line at the Indigo Girls. I have a visceral reaction to them that cannot be explained. I honestly have no problems with him going to the concert and I've told him this, however he does not want to even give the appearance of breaking any of my boundaries. Let's face it. At a 40,000 seat venue the chances of my WH see this OW-wannabe is slim.


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 390 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
mesoSTUPID
♀ Member
Member # 35679
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with knowing. He is making the sacrifice for the M. Perhaps you can put yourself through two hours of the Indigo Girls...


ME (BS): 41 and so stupid!
Him (WH): 43. He's my dragon slayer but my heart wasn't supposed to be slayed!

Posts: 193 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Miami
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Funny that you should bring up the new Star Trek movie. Heart basically had to MAKE me go with one of my best childhood friends because in the six months since D-Day, I haven't done anything on my own once. Even as the movie viewing was being put together, I was having doubts about leaving her and our DS home by themselves, which is why she forced me to go.

I hope she's as proud of the changes I've made as you all seem to be about the changes your WSes have made.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 795 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is great that he is offering to make this sacrifice of not going because he recognizes a possible boundary crossing. Props to him. Maybe you guys could plan a date night instead. Good for him!


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4759 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Mack9512
♀ Member
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

KB,

I'm actually leaning toward buying the tickets for my WH and his sister and then pushing his ass out the door. My WH hasn't done anything but work 14 hrs a day and then come home to sleep for over a month. He needs a break from his work and from me for his own mental health...even if he won't admit it.


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 390 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 8

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