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Newest Member: StillHurtingHer (45319)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My first individual MC session
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tuesday night I met with our MC alone. I talked about how we met, what our relationship was like beforehand, how i feel now.

Next week he meets with WH alone, and then we go back together. Then the MC decides if we can start MC now or if he wants us to do more IC first. I'm so scared that's what's going to happen, that he'll think we're too broken for MC right now.

One of the things he asked me was how happy i was with our relationship before the affair on a scale of 1-10, I said 7.

When i got home, i asked WH similar questions, about happiness with our relationship before and during the affairs. He said 8.5-9 for both. WTF? He wrote that down to bring up to his IC.


In other news, i will be 3 months pregnant on Sunday. One month until i find out girl or boy


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats on your new baby!!!

Good for you! Keep going to IC alone and together. It works wonders.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats on your new baby.

My W was happy with our M when she cheated, too. You know ... she had one good relationship, and ow said she was so special she could love me and ow simultaneously....

More seriously - although the above is true - Shirley Glass proposes that As happen in good Ms if the WS has poor boundaries.

The main reason I'm writing, though, is to suggest you reframe your thinking into a positive mode. If your MC suggest delaying MC further, it could be because you're making progress in IC that will make MC go better and faster when you do start it.

Being broken is just a fact; it doesn't mean you're a bad person. IC is an opportunity to fix yourself - you do the work, you get the benefit, you expand your capabilities and build up your strength.

It's sad that you're broken, but it's great that you have the opportunity to get yourself healthy.

The less energy you use on beating yourself and other people up, the more energy you have to heal and to enjoy your health as it develops.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10339 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Sisoon for putting it that way, it really helped.

And thanks to both of you for the congratulations. I'm really looking forward to getting out of the first trimester so i can feel better


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
Uneek
♀ Member
Member # 38416
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The main reason I'm writing, though, is to suggest you reframe your thinking into a positive mode. If your MC suggest delaying MC further, it could be because you're making progress in IC that will make MC go better and faster when you do start it.

That was absolutely the case for us. She saw us twice together to gather info so she'd know how to proceed, but then we've been seeing her individually for a month and now she's ready to see us together again. It's all very flexible and "see how it goes." As she put it, she wants to use our time as efficiently as possible and sometimes that means we need to work on things individually before we can work on things together.


Posts: 114 | Registered: Feb 2013
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH was no where near being able to articulate in MC when he started IC. It's moving along well for him, and we will being MC soon. He first needed to feel comfortable in the therapy situation, and learn to both deal with and communicate his emotions.
It would ave been a waste of time if we had started MC right away before his IC- we both say this.

And congrats on the upcoming birth!

[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 2:06 PM, May 24th (Friday)]


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Topic Posts: 6

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