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User Topic: Did they use protection?
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So many waywards on here didn't use protection, it really drives the point home that the A was in a complete fantasy world for them

Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He never brought protection, but if the OW happened to have one and SHE slipped it on, then he would use it. Never mind the fact that mutual oral was the MO for him, so while the OW's were protected from his germs, he was not protected from theirs at all. This would probably by why he gave me Herpes and didn't even think anything about it.

DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Hell no..of course not. Because giving a stranger from CL a BJ(to completion) is perfectly safe..didn't you know that?? Oh..and so what if he came home and kissed me with that mouth..and had sex with me for HOURS(as per our usual Saturday night routine)the very next night.

It's need to freak out..jeeessshhhh..

(Please not that this entire post is dripping in sarcasm)

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7697 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
♀ Member
Member # 38464
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No he didn't. Cause he has a vasectomy and that makes it safe! Barf! She was a MOW what was the risk right? Boy was he suprised when I told him about the other dude she was sleeping with at the same time...not her BH either. As for either. Quickies is what they had..dropped her panties and bent on over...she soeant sound like a risk does she?

Posts: 121 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: oregon
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They started out using condoms, but I have no idea how long that lasted--not long, I'm sure. He could just tell that she was ok. Sigh.

Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1334 | Registered: Aug 2010
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2 women - what protection could they possibly need?

W tested positive for HPV in her last 2 annual tests. We were monogamous for 44 years before the A. HPV has in fact put a damper on our activity....

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fWW still claims they always used protection. The STD she gave me indicates otherwise.

My WW claimed protection at first, then admitted to one incident without protection, then finally admitted a couple of weeks ago that unprotected sex was the norm.

Illicit affairs and good sense do not go hand-in-hand. It's the ultimate in selfish behavior. The truth is, I didn't matter when she was in that mode.

Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children

Posts: 1456 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
♀ Member
Member # 32935
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why ruin a fantasy with reality?

This pretty much sums it up.

MrKOKO told me that they used protection in the beginning. He said that they used the ones provided in the hotel the first time when "it just happened." He swears that they always used protection while he was still with me before our separation. They stopped using it only after we separated. I still don't totally believe that.

"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: On the corner of Grey St at the end of the world
♀ Member
Member # 38288
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No and Yes. My WH said he used condoms ( the wonderful Japanese type that feel like nothing and where he took me to the sex shop where he bought them, no regular condoms for him, nope). Just ranting. But no didn't use for oral sex and they were prostitutes. Had him get tested for everything.

BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 16652
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. His OW wasn't "that kind of woman"

It's not really a fairy tale 'till the witch is deposed and a few dragons are slain

Posts: 1787 | Registered: Oct 2007
♀ New Member
Member # 39298
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. And it didn't cross his mind about pregnancy and disease until after. Brilliant!!

Me- Betrayed - married 16 years
Him- 2 week affair with someone at work
9 kids
Trying to R

Posts: 35 | Registered: May 2013 | From: confusedsad
♀ Member
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No...wh doesn't like condoms. The other bs told me well my wife said they started out using condoms I told him that I was 100% sure that was crap and when I asked wh about it he confirmed that no condoms were ever used.

My favorite quote from wh still to this day came when I pointed out that there is a good chance mow was sleeping with om 2 at the same time as wh...his response was a completely serious "she wouldn't do that to me! She promised to tell me if they started sleeping together." WHAT??! Why don't you ask her husband what she's capable of doing...she promised him in her wedding vows she wouldn't sleep with anyone else EVER how'd that work out for her bs??? Dumb @ss

[This message edited by Angel177 at 12:08 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 251 | Registered: Oct 2012
♂ Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I did ask; they did not use protection , nor were they drunk and it was planned....every time.

married 21 yr

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked. Nope he didn't- and he was SOBER. And yup, he brought me an STI.

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
♀ Member
Member # 27871
Concerned  Posted: 2:05 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said they used protection every time they had intercourse. Not during oral.
I don't believe that statement at all. I got tested 2 weeks after I found out. I made him get tested also.

Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 765 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. His OW wasn't "that kind of woman

Ya... why would you need condoms when you were sleeping with your "fiance"

I had a full screening, and apparently so did she not long ago, so at least that didn't happen.

ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. I was terrified after my STD tests until I heard the results. He met the AP on Ashley Madison, so that speaks to her character (and his). I was very, very lucky. As it was, I had yeast infections while he was having sex with both of us, and I was convinced that I had Type II diabetes or something equally bad that had compromised my immune system. The last thing that I would have considered was that my spouse of 13 years was sleeping with another woman and, on top of that, not using a condom.

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
♀ New Member
Member # 38671
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked him twice. The first time he told me that he always did...the second time he told me that they didn't the first time, it wasn't planned.

He used them for birth control mostly because he did not want to get her pregnant. I had also found he had been searching "vasecotmy" on the internet towards the end of the A. He would have only needed it for her since I had a partial hysterectomy about 10 years ago!

BS - 44
WH - 46
Married 13 years together 16 years
D-Day 23/01/13
Working on it...

Posts: 36 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Literally the FIRST question I asked when he admitted to a physical affair was "Did you use a condom?"

The answer.."No." But he did say that her tubes were tied. Yeah...a baby is the only possible consequence of unprotected sex. Idiot.

But my *special* fella has also said that condoms are "for other people" and that he won't ever use them because they aren't for him.

I'm just happy that when he catches something that makes him feel like he's peeing acid (or much worse), it will have absolutely no significance in my life!

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does it really even matter?

Yeah, it matters, for logistics. We are almost 6 years out, and FWH is still paying for his decision to not use condoms (OW told me "I don't like the way they feel inside my body!", I have never wanted to vomit so badly).

FWH now has an OC he never sees for his decision NOT to use protection, so yes, I would say it matters a lot.

BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014


Posts: 2312 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Topic Posts: 76
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