Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: surprised1 (45370)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: need CoD support/help
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DS graduates on Tuesday. My mom, step dad, my dad, my X and my Xmil were all supposed to be coming for graduation.

My mom fell yesterday and broke her nose, cheek bone, rib and basically hurt herself pretty badly. Its a 10 hour car trip and she needs more surgery on her nose next week. She and my step dad aren't coming.

My XMIL has decided its too awkward. X is still coming.

My dad owns stock in the drama llama ranch. My 19yr old sister is pregnant. He is turning this in to a bigger immediate crisis than it is. Now he is not coming b/c apparently my step mom can't handle little sisters emotions by herself I'm pissed. He didn't come to my HS graduation. Now he's got some other pressing drama ... not and won't make it to DS graduation.

I feel bad for DS b/c half the people who were coming aren't.

I'm furious with my dad over this. He's never come to visit me. Never seen a single house I've owned. Makes time to visit only if he happens to be where I am. I go see him. He barely made it to my wedding to my X. My step mom couldn't be bothered.

I want to call and tell him how I feel about all this crap. Nothing good will come of that.

My co-dependent nature wants to guilt him in to coming. I probably could.

Do I say anything? Do I use the guilt? Do I just ignore him?

UgGGH! I am so angry


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hexed))) I’d let him know he will be missed and leave it at that. Focus on the people who will be there and make it a positive experience. Your father is the one missing out by not being there, not you or DS. I'm sure he'd rather have a few super excited people to celebrate with than a roomful of people that act like they are being put out.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ya know Hexed.... The graduation is for and about your DS... It isn't about any other family members....

I know with my graduations I didn't care who in my family was there... It wasn't about them... It was about me and my friends....

Personally, I don't remember who was or wasn't at mine except my friends... To me, graduation was simply a put on show... It was the hard work getting there that I did alone or with classmates that mattered...

Enjoy the time with the people that are there... They are the people that matter... Why?... Because they show up...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hexed,

Let your dad know he will be missed and concentrate on DS. It is their loss, your son is a great kid, worked hard for this and if they can't be bothered to acknowledge that accomplishment... he doesn't need them there taking up space for someone who wants to be there.

Do these people drain your energy at events like this?

I find it easier to concentrate on the good stuff at events like this vs.. dealing with the drama llama's when(if) they do come. They literally drain the emotional energy from me so that I dread them showing up. I just do not have enough energy to deal with them and everything else I need to deal with as mom to the graduate.

Good luck and give your DS extra hugs - if he'll let you.

More hugs, cause it hurts to be sidelined by family.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5284 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DS graduates on Tuesday.

Is this high school graduation? If I remember correctly, I made an hour appearance for the party (my bro & sister were graduating from 8th grade, so it was their party, too) and then I disappeared to party it up with my friends, a little drinking, the next day at the amusement park, etc. The last place I wanted to be was with my parents (sorry!).

Let your DS enjoy himself -- adulthood, bills and a job is right around the corner.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was more about some family activities the day before - memorial day. My DS is not very social. He's got no plans for big graduation parties are the like. HS was really rocky for him. For the firs two years we were literally hoping he'd even graduate. Now he's off to college in the fall.

It means a lot to DS that people were coming for this. My mom can't and shouldn't come. I'm OK with that b/c she's always been there. My Dad couldn't be bothered with my HS graduation which obviously still pisses me off a little. I just wish he hadn't told DS that he was coming. He never does. *sigh*


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations to your DS! That is awesome that he will be going on to college in the fall!

I'm sorry your dad doesn't understand how important it is to show support for his family. I don't think any of my family went to the high school graduations. I went to my children's, and their father did show up, but other than that, that was it. But I would look at it like wb says. It is all about him, and his graduating, and those that are the closest to him celebrating in his achievement. He will have you there. It isn't the number of supporters, it is the good will of those that go. He will have enough support, love, and good will from you and I am sure your mom will be sending all the support and good will she is able, and you said the X is going. That will mean something to your DS also.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15293 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you need to 180 your Dad. He is not someone you can count on. He never meets your expectations, so you need to stop having expectations.

It sucks. But you can't change it. He is truly the one that is missing out. I'm sorry if your DS will be disappointed. But these things happen. He also needs to learn who he can count on. And that is YOU!

Sending strength and peace.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations to your DS!

I'm sure you guys will have a fabulous time on your own, with a smaller group. If your DS isn't very social, he may prefer it that way, anyway. I know I personally much prefer doing things with just my immediate family (parents and siblings) than when extended family (grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc.) are involved.

I'm sure you'll make it great for him!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3409 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By this age he probably realizes that his grandfather is unreliable, so don't sweat that. I'm sorry your celebration fell off the rails, but I'm sure you'll regroup and have a great time. Enjoy it; you earned a good part of it.

Congratulations to your DS and a speedy recovery to your mom.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20292 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the attitude adjustment.

I just got off the phone with my mom. My DS has the courtesy to have a birthday coming up in a couple of weeks so we're going to turn that in to the big celebration with family instead of graduation. DS likes that idea. My mom feels better.

If my dad shows up great. If not. Oh well. I will let my X have extra time with DS since there won't be as much stuff going on so that will be nice for DS too.

Now I need to work on my issues with my dad.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
Topic Posts: 11

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.