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My WW tells me this all of the time, 20 texts a day and countless times in the evenings and mornings. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing that and aside from the A I do feel loved... But I cannot help but wonder if she is trying to convince herself more than me. I trigger nearly everytime she says it, I don't know why but I simply cannot get my head around how you can love someone and do the horrible things that she has done.

The really stupid part is that I know it is possible. I had an OEA around 10 years ago that at the time I thought was in response to her third affair and what I believed to be the end of our marriage, but as it turns out was simply my stupidity, poor choices and lack of ability to cope. I know that I did not stop loving her while I was carrying on like a fool, so why is it so hard for me to understand that she likely did not either?

I don't know if this is abnormal or petty or not, I just don't know how to deal with being triggered so often, and I certainly don't want to tell her to stop saying I love you.

I feel that way too sometimes. :(

I hope you tell her how you react.

I had a similar response. Talking about it gave my W good feedback and reduced my pain. Now when she says something positive, I believe it.

Also, it may be not so much to convince herself but to remind herself that she loves you - but it'll work a lot better if she learns how to keep her love for you in mind without triggering you.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:32 AM, May 24th (Friday)]

Has she always told you she loved you that often or just since the A?

I hope you tell her how you react.

No I have not, I'm just not really sure how to approach it. Like I said, its not as if I want her to stop saying it. I don't want her to feel like she is doing anything wrong in saying it, I just don't know how to deal with it or if I am just being hypersensitive.

Has she always told you she loved you that often or just since the A?

She has always said it. We used to text and call each other a lot (her job requires her to be out of town a lot), but for the last year leading up to the A we stopped doing that as much. It's one of the justifications she gave herself for having the A. She claims that she began feeling like I did not enjoy her texting and or calling so much and that I always seemed preoccupied when she would, so she stopped "bothering" me so much. Her relationship with ToM began because he would constantly text her telling her "to have a great day", or that she was very sexy and beautiful, and how much he desired her ect.

I envy you. I have an unemotional WH. He hardly ever told me he loved me before or after the A. But he always showed me in actions. Is her actions backing up her words?

My WH literally chokes on the words 'I love you'. He has said it maybe 20 times during our entire relationship (M 24 years, together 29).

I would love to hear it even if he didn't mean it. Sorry.

Letitout-

Thats a tricky question. Generally I would say the answer is yes her actions do back her words. But there are things that don't as well. I was thinking of starting another thread concerning some of the things coming up but I will touch on a couple of them here. She says she understands that my emotions are going to change rapidly and that I am on a roller coaster right now and that it will take time to heal, but then she will turn right around and make statements like, "Why can't we just move on past this, and stop Dwelling on the negatives?". She also is very reluctant to give up her privacy. Sometimes she is fine handing over her phone or iPad and other days she goes bat shit crazy over it.

Then she has times like last night that she breaks down into uncontrollable tears and sobbing, saying things like "What have I done?", "I've made such a mess of things!", "What in the world was I thinking?, you are the love of my life".

Its all just so maddening.

I would love to hear it even if he didn't mean it. Sorry.

((((Deadmumwalking)))))

No I am very sorry, I know it is selfish of me to be bothered by this when so many BS would kill to hear those words more often. I just really cannot get my head around why it bothers me, but it really is like a dagger in the heart, yet gently comforting and reassuring all at the same time every time she does.