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User Topic: Raise Your Hand If It's All Your Fault
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've posted on here before about the things that my unremorseful WS has said to me in the last 3 months. Somehow he finds new and creative ways to tell me what a terrible marriage we had, what a bad wife I was, and how unhappy he was during the marriage. You know, all the stuff that pushed him into the arms of an OW.

I just wanted to do a quick roll call and see how many of us are on here right now who have been told by their WS that in some way shape or form that you or your marriage made them do what they did or you are having this shit thrown at you to deflect from the real issues.

So, raise your hand if it's all your fault!

I believe that there is strength in numbers. How many of us are on here that are hearing this or have heard this crap while on the crazy train?

I'm not saying that all BS are perfect and that your marriages were perfect, but just out of curiosity...

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 4:32 PM, May 24th (Friday)]


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep I neglected him. My WH was gone 7 days out of 7 days of the week. I was lucky if we had a good night or morning to spend with each other. Go figure


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of it is my fault. Simply all of it. I was a terrible husband, she was unhappy for most of our marriage, I did not meet her needs, did not let her grow, did not love her as I,should have.

Except: I have a stack of cards and love letters spanning the course of our marriage--all the way up to AND traversing most of me course of her infidelity--expressing just the opposite:

I am so,glad I married you.
Nobody has known how to,love me like,you do.
You meet all of my needs
You love me just the way I am and let me be who I want to be
You make me so happy

And on and on.

Exhibit A, your honor.

Sarcastic, but also so sad. I don't know where my wife went.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1622 | Registered: Dec 2012
Itstoohard
♀ Member
Member # 37629
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. Everything about the A was my fault. I was a horrible bitch...I guess for the whole M.


BS 64
fWH 64
PA 22 yrs ago
Started as EA for 2 yrs then ONS CORRECTION Started as an EA for 8 years
Trustismyissue

Posts: 180 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: US
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

crazyblindsided, isn't it funny when you think about it? How do you neglect someone who isn't there? That is like my WS saying just this week that we had a terrible marriage and he could count on one hand the times I made my delicious lasagna for him. The guy was always out at happy hour...how would he even know what I made for dinner if he wasn't home? OHHHHHH now I get it! It was the lack of lasagna that drove you into the arms of that trashhole!!!

Abbondad, I had to pull out a box of cards that HE had collected for the last 8 years and 2 weeks after Dday I brought a selection to him to "prove" that I DID love him and we were happy once and it wasn't 5 years of misery like he keeps saying.

I keep saying, if it was so bad, why are you still talking to me? Why haven't you filed yet?

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 4:45 PM, May 24th (Friday)]


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. That is what he told me on D-Day!

It's all my fault because:

1. I like to read

2. I saved money for retirement

That is what was wrong with our marriage and why he had to cheat. Makes me laugh now Not quite so funny when I believed it back then!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3371 | Registered: Dec 2011
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, ME for sure!! haha. Apparently, I didn't love him.

I had our child he so desperately wanted and he split, so to speak, emotionally and physically. He started sleeping with some college girl who left her number at the bar when our first baby was 4 months old. .


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wildly raising my hand!!!

And it is still my fault 5 years post divorce, and new things are my fault that I have had no part in......

Yet, I did not act out, I did not have an addiction or two, I stayed home with the children while he was doing what he wanted, I nursed him after he lost a limb due to DUI, and I never once cheated.....yet

I am a horrible, wicked, evil, and kid destroying kindergarten teacher....go figure.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 4:51 PM, May 24th (Friday)]


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2686 | Registered: Jan 2010
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes he tried to tell me I just wasn't there for him. I flat out told him no you stopped sharing with me and started sharing with the skeeze. I was here raising the kids and taking care of your home. It makes total sense tiger advice about being a parent for the 6th time from an unmarried woman who just graduated college and was living at home.


Smh


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes he tried to tell me I just wasn't there for him. I flat out told him no you stopped sharing with me and started sharing with the skeeze. I was here raising the kids and taking care of your home. It makes total sense tiger advice about being a parent for the 6th time from an unmarried woman who just graduated college and was living at home.


Smh


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Present ^


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey WindowsNotWalls- you are my own personal hero this week! I just posted something this morning about doing the 180 and sticking to it. The advice you gave on another thread really inspired me to get it together and say enough is enough!!! Just wanted to give you a shout out and say thanks. Keep sharing your progress.


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me! It's all my fault!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
happierdays
♀ Member
Member # 38537
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me! WH doesn't place 100% of the blame on me, I gather it's somewhere in the 80% range. Too little sex, too little ambition, etc...


Me - 40
WH - 41
Dday - Oct 7, 2012
Dday 2 - June 4, 2013
Married - 7 years
1 DD

Posts: 145 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada
kansas1968
♀ Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two and a half years ago I would have raised my hand, but it was me, not him, that thought it was all my fault. It took quite a bit of time and a good counselor to make me realize the my behavior may have contributed to his unhappiness, but the affair wasn't and would never be any fault of mine. That is the path he chose to make himself feel better. He could have chosen other paths, asking for a divorce, telling me how unhappy he was, etc., but he took the selfish, easy path. The path that did not disrupt our financial or social lives. Affairs are cowardly escapes from unpleasaant situations. It is NEVER your fault.

If your WS does not get over thinking that, then he will never get to reconcilliation.

So sorry he is trying to make this on you.


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1314 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah, I was a jerk before my fiance cheated. Of course, he's "not saying it was my fault. That's all on him," but he's just saying, I was not the easiest person to date and I was very high maintinance.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, it is all my fault and he is a victim of this perfect storm... Meanwhile, he has yet to stop sleeping with the OW. .. But whatever, his wages are now garnished as off this Wednesday.... I am finished. She can have him, just pay my child support.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
HeartStings
♀ Member
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ooh, ooh, ooh...I want to play!

It's all my fault because apparently, at some point during the marriage, I told him to get a girlfriend!

He was just following orders.


Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've learned that there's a price to pay for marrying a broken person. There's a term called "damaged goods" that I hate, but now understand.

There's nothing I could have done to stop my wife from having an affair when she turned 40 and had the MLC that damaged people seem to be vulnerable to having. Why should she be the first person in her family not to have an affair or act like a lunatic?

She's hinted that the affair has been partly my fault, but has stopped short of making that accusation. She finally admitted the other night that the accusation that we never went out and had fun just wasn't true. So the rewriting marital history seems to have stopped.


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling
PM's w/ male members only please

Posts: 1405 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
imagoodwitch
♀ Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Present

Apparently it was all my fault because I didn't wear sexy underware and dye my hair.

He worked 12 to 14 hour days and would come home and go into his cave and drink then he would golf all weekend.

I don't think he would have noticed if I did wear sexy underware and dye my hair.


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5402 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
Topic Posts: 94
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