I just wanted to do a quick roll call and see how many of us are on here right now who have been told by their WS that in some way shape or form that you or your marriage made them do what they did or you are having this shit thrown at you to deflect from the real issues.
So, raise your hand if it's all your fault!
I believe that there is strength in numbers. How many of us are on here that are hearing this or have heard this crap while on the crazy train?
I'm not saying that all BS are perfect and that your marriages were perfect, but just out of curiosity...
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 4:32 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
Except: I have a stack of cards and love letters spanning the course of our marriage--all the way up to AND traversing most of me course of her infidelity--expressing just the opposite:
I am so,glad I married you.
Nobody has known how to,love me like,you do.
You meet all of my needs
You love me just the way I am and let me be who I want to be
You make me so happy
And on and on.
Exhibit A, your honor.
Sarcastic, but also so sad. I don't know where my wife went.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
Abbondad, I had to pull out a box of cards that HE had collected for the last 8 years and 2 weeks after Dday I brought a selection to him to "prove" that I DID love him and we were happy once and it wasn't 5 years of misery like he keeps saying.
I keep saying, if it was so bad, why are you still talking to me? Why haven't you filed yet?
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 4:45 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
It's all my fault because:
1. I like to read
2. I saved money for retirement
That is what was wrong with our marriage and why he had to cheat. Makes me laugh now Not quite so funny when I believed it back then!
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
I had our child he so desperately wanted and he split, so to speak, emotionally and physically. He started sleeping with some college girl who left her number at the bar when our first baby was 4 months old. .
And it is still my fault 5 years post divorce, and new things are my fault that I have had no part in......
Yet, I did not act out, I did not have an addiction or two, I stayed home with the children while he was doing what he wanted, I nursed him after he lost a limb due to DUI, and I never once cheated.....yet
I am a horrible, wicked, evil, and kid destroying kindergarten teacher....go figure.
[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 4:51 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
If your WS does not get over thinking that, then he will never get to reconcilliation.
So sorry he is trying to make this on you.
At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
It's all my fault because apparently, at some point during the marriage, I told him to get a girlfriend!
He was just following orders.
There's nothing I could have done to stop my wife from having an affair when she turned 40 and had the MLC that damaged people seem to be vulnerable to having. Why should she be the first person in her family not to have an affair or act like a lunatic?
She's hinted that the affair has been partly my fault, but has stopped short of making that accusation. She finally admitted the other night that the accusation that we never went out and had fun just wasn't true. So the rewriting marital history seems to have stopped.
Apparently it was all my fault because I didn't wear sexy underware and dye my hair.
He worked 12 to 14 hour days and would come home and go into his cave and drink then he would golf all weekend.
I don't think he would have noticed if I did wear sexy underware and dye my hair.
Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.