I heard things like, "Well you DID put on a few pounds" and "You were NOT the best housekeeper" so of course, reading this, you can see his point!
I look back now and think, really?! Fuck you, you superficial dickbag douchebag. You weren't setting the world on fire either.
I've learned that there's a price to pay for marrying a broken person
I wish I new this 25 years ago, and I hope I can teach my kids this.
[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 9:49 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
Apparently it was all my fault because I didn't wear sexy underware and dye my hair.
^^^^ditto... although now I wear sexy underwear and dye my hair.
I am still blamed for everything that goes wrong in his life. 10 years post divorce. In 2005 he blamed me for the hurricanes that hit florida - every single one of them hit on HIS visitation weekend... so it must be my fault. He even went so far as to email me this revelation AND cc his attorney.
Yes they were my fault.. maybe he should fear me????
I heard this from my closest SIL. I was like - "We went to ONE session together." Seriously?! No wonder it didn't magically fix things while he was still fucking OW!
Does not mean I agree, believe, or accept that POV.!!!!!
There in lies the difference between us.
And that I do accept. There is and always be a difference of opinions on the why, how, this all came about.
This is only "my" experience, my marriage. I have accepted and moved on to the best of my ability.
When I made the choice to stay I had to accept these facts.
may not work for other's!!!
1. I was too busy taking care of our 4 kids, WH, & the house, & I always worked outside the home
2. I didn't want to have sex OFTEN enough
3.I didn't "fix myself up/wear makeup/get haircuts" often enough
4. I didn't keep the house clean enough
5. I often didn't want to go anyplace with him/didn't spend enough time doing things alone with him/I was too tired all the time (mind you, I am in my late 50s, had our last baby @ age 44)
So, as my MIL says, "Honey, I blame you. If you had given WH what he needed, he wouldn't have had to go elsewhere."
Oh, I forgot:
"Apparently it was all my fault because I didn't wear sexy underware and dye my hair."
[This message edited by mchercheur at 10:01 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
Something I did, or didn't do, did too late, or in the wrong way, or should have known and didn't know. Something I wore or cooked, or said, or didn't say ...Or a myriad of other imaginary, paranoid delusions that I somehow had to be punished for.
Yep. my hand is up. Permanently.
[This message edited by Safeguard at 10:58 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
I made a thread with some of the "It's your fault because.." highlights. I forgot to include that I failed to kiss and cuddle him enough to keep him from choosing to cheat on me.
And he just can't understand why I think he's disrespectful and has no remorse!
Nothing says "I'm sorry" better than blaming the person you hurt!
H doesn't say the A was all my fault, but at least part.
It is everything else that is all my fault.
If I'm bothered by something he does, it is all my fault I am bothered, because what he did was nothing to be upset about....that pattern has gone on our entire M.
Drum roll please!.....
I didn't trust him enough! *Ba dum tisssh*
It would be a great punchline if he wasn't serious.
XH was telling me, "I just CANNOT believe you didn't cheat first!" Like while smacking his own head - he sincerely seemed baffled!
I fired up fast. I was like, "In what fucking way did I EVER, *EVER* give you the impression that was something I would do?!" HE says, "Well, you didn't...but I still can't believe (get this) this happened to me".
I lost it! I was like it did not 'happen'; you chose it ass!!!!
Now , 4 years after dday, he is now blaming me for his heart problems!!! It seems I am giving him too much stress!!!
His first heart attack was before dday when he was in the middle of the LTA and OC was born. That is MY fault??? Somehow a miracle happened and I, a woman, impregnated OW???
xWH#1 told me that he left because
1. I sometimes didn't mail the bills right away
2. I didn't come immediately to bed when he went. (I had a cigarrettee first....what's that 5 minutes tops??)
They grasp at straws.
It's my fault that after our dd17 was hospitalized when she was 12 for cutting and suicidal, that I didn't comfort him during this time. Poor baby.
Funny, when he confessed and through 1 month of false R before I filed, he never really dissed me as a mother or a wife (since I'm fabulous ), but he keeps coming up with bold-faced lies now that we are separated. Um, whatever you say so dude. Whatever helps you sleep at night..
These stupid waywards should start realizing that all these issues are relationship issues. And the correct answer is divorce or counseling if you are so unhappy with your spouse. NONE of these things are an excuse for being selfish, lying, cheating, manipulating, using and abusing people. They can blame us for marriage problems all they want, that's 50% ours to own. NONE of these things give them a free pass for the damage they do, that's 100% on them..
If they want to learn how to stop cheating, they better dig A LOT deeper.. Into themselves. Cause it's 0% on the betrayed, and we don't hold the answer as to why.. NONE of this is our fault.
Why the marriage failed? Fine, I will take some fault.
Why he cheated and used and abused me? Nope. There is no answer here. I don't hold the key to that mystery..
I was taking care of the home and raising our 4 children, yep didn't have time time for poor husband.
However, if anything good happened, he would have been fine without me. He didn't need me.
We are all very powerful people who make all these things happen. They had nothing what so ever to do with it. Idiots!