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User Topic: Raise Your Hand If It's All Your Fault
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Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh well yes it was my fault! Poor thing!

I heard things like, "Well you DID put on a few pounds" and "You were NOT the best housekeeper" so of course, reading this, you can see his point!

I look back now and think, really?! Fuck you, you superficial dickbag douchebag. You weren't setting the world on fire either.

Posts: 14389 | Registered: Jun 2008
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Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've learned that there's a price to pay for marrying a broken person

I wish I new this 25 years ago, and I hope I can teach my kids this.

Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2708 | Registered: Jan 2010
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Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, absolutely. I was supposed to take all sorts of blame for his A. I was probably also supposed to eventually tell a MC that I was a terrible wife who neglected him and drove him to it, but I demanded a D before we got even remotely close to that scenario.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 9:49 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apparently it was all my fault because I didn't wear sexy underware and dye my hair.

^^^^ditto... although now I wear sexy underwear and dye my hair.

I am still blamed for everything that goes wrong in his life. 10 years post divorce. In 2005 he blamed me for the hurricanes that hit florida - every single one of them hit on HIS visitation weekend... so it must be my fault. He even went so far as to email me this revelation AND cc his attorney.

Yes they were my fault.. maybe he should fear me????

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5272 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
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Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And XH told his family, we DID try counseling. Apparently XH was just heartbroken it didn't 'work out'.

I heard this from my closest SIL. I was like - "We went to ONE session together." Seriously?! No wonder it didn't magically fix things while he was still fucking OW!

I digress....

Posts: 14389 | Registered: Jun 2008
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Member # 33907
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hand raised, because yes the marrige/me myself have been blamed.

Does not mean I agree, believe, or accept that POV.!!!!!

There in lies the difference between us.

And that I do accept. There is and always be a difference of opinions on the why, how, this all came about.

This is only "my" experience, my marriage. I have accepted and moved on to the best of my ability.

When I made the choice to stay I had to accept these facts.

may not work for other's!!!

BS (me)
WS (him)
DDay. Jan. 2010
AKA Whydidyou (long story)

Posts: 315 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South Carolina
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Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm raising my hand.
It was all my fault because:

1. I was too busy taking care of our 4 kids, WH, & the house, & I always worked outside the home
2. I didn't want to have sex OFTEN enough
3.I didn't "fix myself up/wear makeup/get haircuts" often enough
4. I didn't keep the house clean enough
5. I often didn't want to go anyplace with him/didn't spend enough time doing things alone with him/I was too tired all the time (mind you, I am in my late 50s, had our last baby @ age 44)

So, as my MIL says, "Honey, I blame you. If you had given WH what he needed, he wouldn't have had to go elsewhere."

Oh, I forgot:
"Apparently it was all my fault because I didn't wear sexy underware and dye my hair."

[This message edited by mchercheur at 10:01 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
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Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. Every horrible thing he's ever done, has been directly caused by ME.

Something I did, or didn't do, did too late, or in the wrong way, or should have known and didn't know. Something I wore or cooked, or said, or didn't say ...Or a myriad of other imaginary, paranoid delusions that I somehow had to be punished for.
Yep. my hand is up. Permanently.

[This message edited by Safeguard at 10:58 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
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Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

:::Raising my hand:::

I made a thread with some of the "It's your fault because.." highlights. I forgot to include that I failed to kiss and cuddle him enough to keep him from choosing to cheat on me.

And he just can't understand why I think he's disrespectful and has no remorse!

Nothing says "I'm sorry" better than blaming the person you hurt!

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
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Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG hand raised high! Wow, I didn't realize how many are blamed for it, but I should have. Everything is my fault; you try to control me--duh, you cant handle the finances and you had so many bad checks I had to cover them for you; you always tell me what I can and can't do: duh, if there's no money then you can't do it. You hate when I talk to other women; duh, you've screwed me over so many times I can't trust you at all.


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
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Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hand raised here.

H doesn't say the A was all my fault, but at least part.

It is everything else that is all my fault.

If I'm bothered by something he does, it is all my fault I am bothered, because what he did was nothing to be upset about....that pattern has gone on our entire M.

Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
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Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh! I forgot the newest (and my new personal favorite) reason for his affair and why it's my fault..

Drum roll please!.....

I didn't trust him enough! *Ba dum tisssh*

It would be a great punchline if he wasn't serious.

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
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Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Houseful - I may have you beat.

XH was telling me, "I just CANNOT believe you didn't cheat first!" Like while smacking his own head - he sincerely seemed baffled!

I fired up fast. I was like, "In what fucking way did I EVER, *EVER* give you the impression that was something I would do?!" HE says, "Well, you didn't...but I still can't believe (get this) this happened to me".

I lost it! I was like it did not 'happen'; you chose it ass!!!!

Posts: 14389 | Registered: Jun 2008
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Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hand is up and shaking. I was told I changed after I had my ruptured brain aneurysm after we had only been married a year. Sorry I had to learn to walk and see again. That undoubtably got in the way of our sex life and he felt neglected by me all the time. Of course he wanted me to work out of state because the $$ was so good (and he could have OW stay at our house instead of having to rent a hotel, thus saving us that expense). I guess I should have thought of that sooner.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
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Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Putting both hands up and waving like I just don't care! I wasn't spontaneous any more. " Like the time I didn't want to go to an amusement park and ride roller coasters".... I was 8 mths pregnant. What a dope.

Posts: 242 | Registered: Mar 2013
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Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 1:35 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in the "club" too.
-We didn't have sex enough. I was told this when our DD was born with trisomy 18 and was in palliative care and we were told she could die any day.
-I'm too "loose" down there.
- I'm always depressed.

Now , 4 years after dday, he is now blaming me for his heart problems!!! It seems I am giving him too much stress!!!
His first heart attack was before dday when he was in the middle of the LTA and OC was born. That is MY fault??? Somehow a miracle happened and I, a woman, impregnated OW???

xWH#1 told me that he left because
1. I sometimes didn't mail the bills right away
2. I didn't come immediately to bed when he went. (I had a cigarrettee first....what's that 5 minutes tops??)

They grasp at straws.

Posts: 1947 | Registered: Jan 2010
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Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 1:48 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here! me here i am.
I was mentally abusive, never happy in the marriage. Ever. Remember the first affair who's Idea it was to make that first move, she told him "i want to try something" and then proceeded kiss him. But yeah, I made choice, do it but not just for me but for everyone we know but mostly our family. Let see I forced you to pick the very best one for you too, he was um... shorter, (pecker too much small or so we discussed later) and couldn't get it up also, sickly skinny, rotten teeth,(?) dirty, smelly, chain smoking drunk, halfway house, homeless unhygienic druggie loser, (her own friend said she would have crossed the street just to avoid.) but of course that's what she had to do because I ohhh I never truly loved her. Oh Ok. well I'm sorry lets never truly get back together for the next seven years, so one day after a special mothers day consisting of a lunch and trip to jared's, ahh he went jared's... after one more complete fresh out of the shower, let me make a pig of myself afternoon session. Let me go to my night job for 13hours come home invade your privacy look into you phone try and understand why it took you so long to pop today. Stay up all night, so you can tell me in the morning that I haven't made you happy in 18 years. Oh your leaving me and the kids again oh ok even though you don't have a job ok your gonna stay with family you say you "can't sacrifice my life out of pure guilt or yours to keep up appearances". But same as before I'll stay with the kids and won't cry all over them, mmhumm ok. I my bad I drove you away again, forced you spend all your time texting and swapping sexy pics with everyone in the country but me. Oh ok I can't forgive you so do what is best for my sake. Ahh thanks babe, you knew exactly what I would want all over again. your so convenient, oh no no no you shouldn't have.

Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
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Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:02 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Raising hand!! (There must be a fancy icon to show this)

It's my fault that after our dd17 was hospitalized when she was 12 for cutting and suicidal, that I didn't comfort him during this time. Poor baby.

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
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Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:13 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me! He says it's all my fault. And you should believe him

Funny, when he confessed and through 1 month of false R before I filed, he never really dissed me as a mother or a wife (since I'm fabulous ), but he keeps coming up with bold-faced lies now that we are separated. Um, whatever you say so dude. Whatever helps you sleep at night..

These stupid waywards should start realizing that all these issues are relationship issues. And the correct answer is divorce or counseling if you are so unhappy with your spouse. NONE of these things are an excuse for being selfish, lying, cheating, manipulating, using and abusing people. They can blame us for marriage problems all they want, that's 50% ours to own. NONE of these things give them a free pass for the damage they do, that's 100% on them..

If they want to learn how to stop cheating, they better dig A LOT deeper.. Into themselves. Cause it's 0% on the betrayed, and we don't hold the answer as to why.. NONE of this is our fault.

Why the marriage failed? Fine, I will take some fault.

Why he cheated and used and abused me? Nope. There is no answer here. I don't hold the key to that mystery..

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2330 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
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Member # 14660
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me for sure. In fact anything bad that has happened to him, is my fault. I held him back, didn't do what he wanted to do.

I was taking care of the home and raising our 4 children, yep didn't have time time for poor husband.

However, if anything good happened, he would have been fine without me. He didn't need me.

We are all very powerful people who make all these things happen. They had nothing what so ever to do with it. Idiots!

Me: BS-55
Him: WS-55
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 26, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Posts: 228 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
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