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User Topic: Raise Your Hand If It's All Your Fault
♀ Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My turn...

1) I was "depressed" about my Mom passing away. Therefore, he had to find comfort on a sleazy internet forum and hook up with some internet chick (OW1).

2) I didn't like to hang out with his band friends because they do drugs - and we don't. I didn't like my kids hanging out with his band friends for the same reason. I could not come to every show or practice to support his band - because I was at home taking care of 2 kids.

3) I "made" him take out the garbage on Tuesdays - pick up day - and cut the grass when we got a notice from the city that it was too tall.

4) I'm a "controlling bitch" because I paid all of the bills, got the kids to/from school/doctors/activities, cleaned the house, washed his dirty underwear, begged for sex more than 1X per week, worked 50+ hours per week, and wanted to spend what free time I had with my husband and kids.

5) I was stopping him from finding his true happiness with OW4 because she was his "soulmate". Funny, I found a letter to OW3 saying she was his soulmate and I have a ton of cards/letter written to me saying that I was. Guess he had a lot of "soul" to go around.

6) My personal favorite - He was afraid of me. He was so afraid that I would get mad and, God forbid, Yell, that he couldn't talk to me about anything he was doing in his secret life - even before he cheated. He couldn't talk to me when he first started down the slope because he was afraid. Poor baby! I'm sooo scary!! (Did I mention that I'm 5'3" and his 6'?)

Now, he's singing a different tune though. He got a taste of life without me last year and he realizes that HE was the f'ed up individual, not me!

Guess I'm not so scary afterall...

Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was my fault too! I was overwhelmed by our move around the world to a new country where the kids and I didn't speak the language. And do you know what else I did to drive him away? I asked him for help, since he spoke the language. So he decided not to help me with any requests and see if I could figure it out And to start an A. Because that would help us.

[This message edited by OnAnIsland at 9:30 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)]

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

::raises hand::

Let's see...

1) Well just recently I learned that when we first got together he "knew it wouldn't last." Sooooo, you married me and had a baby with me anyway?

2) I, too, was never there for him. That's bullshit. I was always supportive and would have been more so if he had actually talked to me about things.

3) We don't have anything in common. We have enough in common to have fun together, but he can't seem to recall those times anymore.

4) He did the dishes and swept the floor ALL the time. He takes out the trash ALL the time (mind you, when we first got together, he wouldn't let me take out the trash because 'that's a man's job'). Maybe so, but I gave the baby her bath, read her a story & put her to bed nearly every night since the day she was born. I do the laundry ALL the time. I clean the bathrooms ALL the time. I never complained about any of it because I felt like it somehow evened out. We may not have shared responsibility for the same chores, but each of us had our different things that we did ALL the time.

5) He found an e-mail I wrote to my ex shortly after I left him (the ex). I have admitted that I was wrong to contact him, but truthfully acknowledged that I never had any plans to go back to him. He uses this e-mail (from 2 years ago) to justify his betrayal of me.

I'm such a terrible person. If only he hadn't kept reiterating his love for me all this time - I might actually believe it.

me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."

Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
♀ Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was my fault because I chose to go back to school (initially with his support) and he was no longer my number one priority, school was.

I changed the day we got married, I took advantage of him, I didn't get along with his family and I didn't attend the social events for his work. His girlfriend was better suited for his life now......

His affair is what ended the marriage. He cheated twice on his second wife, once with me. He needed a new fix.

I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My fault too.

His exact words "if you had just given me what i wanted, i wouldnt have done what i did".

uh huh.

He doesnt get that he had been neglecting my needs for years, so yep, i wasnt too into him sexually.

And oh yea, hanging out and partying with his friends came first before me or our kids.

Eventually, when he came home half liquored up, I should have been ready for sex.

Does this sound desirable to anyone or am i just a freaking freak who doesnt want to have sex???

Yep, all my fault for sure.

Posts: 617 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
♂ Member
Member # 38090
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, I fell into this justification trap and used my wife as a scapegoat when my infidelity was first revealed to her. This was blame shifting at its best and I completely recognize this.


Me: WH
Father of 3 beautiful girls

* I am a RS (Recovering Scumbag)
* Do as I say, NOT as I did. :-(
* I acknowledge the grace I have received. I know do not deserve it.

Posts: 228 | Registered: Jan 2013
♂ Member
Member # 35458
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Arnold Horshak says "OOH, OOH, OOH"

Posts: 166 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Appalachia
♀ Member
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ME, ME, ME!!!

I didn't RESPECT him, I didn't meet his needs, I didn't support him and I didn't talk to him the way he wanted! I was the reason he was SOOO unhappy! So he just had to have OW! And he wasn't disrespecting me, our families and our home by bringing her into OUR home and having OW as our babysitter
or failing to meet my needs when he completely ignored me to take care of poor OW who has lupus....

God, it galls me that he thinks that I am the reason for all his troubles...I guess I'm responsible for his secret porn habit and secret video taping fetishes too....

Makes me vomit that I had kids with this sick prick!

S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!

Posts: 512 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
♀ New Member
Member # 36768
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just read this post and had to reply!
Yes of course it was my fault that he slept with prostitutes and had affairs with women half his age. Of course its my fault he goes for erotic massages. With all this going on when the hell was he ever home to even know he had a good marriage or not?? Bottom line....I don't take the blame...this isn't my fault..I was married to someone with a personality disorder and a bad addiction that one day is going to kill him.

married 27 years

Posts: 12 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump....just to keep it going. If you are reading's not your fault. You can only take 50% of the responsibility of the marital problems. But your WS is 100% responsible for the A.

Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 40281
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes!! I was depressed because he & I didn't spend anytime together... so he thought it would be better if he spent less time with me... uuuhhhhhhh......

I am BS- 38
He is WS- 35
D-Day 10/26/12
NC 10/26/12
Married 6/11/11
In sometimes rocky R

Posts: 7 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh this is fun!

Something should be....2 weeks today that my husband dropped his bomb. I have been having an affair for 16 months, we have been married 13, together 15, 2 kids, things were good.

I love both of you. No, I love you but not in love with you. I confessed and I dont know what I want, well, you could never trust me again so it is over. You kicked me out. Actually, admit weren't happy either. This will be better for you, some day you'll get it. Huh?

Apparently, sometimes he says it is NOT my fault:

1. "I deserve better. Better then, Better now, better in the future" SHaaaa, you think dumbshit??

2. "None of this is fair to you. I never gave you a chance." Both him and his skank OP said this to me...ahhhh. so nice that they both can take the high road!

3. I was weak and cowardly. I have made terrible choices. I was not living with integrity. But now I am being honest. I love her and want to end the marraige." ahhhh. Being honest. So great! I so do appreciate that you have allowed yourself to be honest and "go for it" now after having to keep up the double lives for so long. It must feel so much better to unburden yourself of all those lies and deceipt. FU you emotional cripple.

Then again, maybe it is MY FAULT AFTERALL:

1. "There had to be something missing if I went elsewhere for it."

2. "You just treated me like the guy that takes out the garbage." garbage, yeah, that you are buddy...

3. "You didn't desire me anymore. I convinced myself you weren't attracted to me, so I failed to make myself attractive to you, and then I stopped being attracted to you."

4. "I don't think you were really happy either. Not for a long time. We haven't been in love for like, 5 years."

seriously? how come no one, never, ever noticed especially ME? how come you never mentioned how you felt or why you think you can speak for me? I was happy fucker. I was happy even though things weren't always perfect because that is what marraige is. That is what true love is. Fucker.

5."You didn't like having sex with me. You didn't enjoy the penetration part." Well, umm, no not always because you put very little effort into it, and it was kinda boring at times and I was tired because you were so lazy, but I loved you anyway I just thought that was the best you could do. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it alright. That is not the point. You don't CHEAT you fucking TALK dumbass.

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a lot of messed up syntax and poor use of pronouns in my last If that matters at all

He was the cheater. said I deserve better.

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
♀ Member
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phmh, WH also commented that I like to read and he doesn't as an example of how we had grown apart(he said this in the middle of the A, long before I knew about it - trying to justify it, I guess). I pointed out that we were different like that before we were married, too.

WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jun 2013
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