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Newest Member: Rdsxgrl (44691)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How to stop this???
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So as I sit here watching tv. Loud knocks and persistent door bell rings. I can tell just by the sound that it is STBXH. I don't answer. He continues to knock/ring doorbell. My son comes down and answers the door. DS has not seen his dad in a few weeks (DS choice), and apparently his dad doesn't like to be ignored. Obviously if DS wanted to talk or see his father he would call or answer his phone (DS has his own phone, I pay for it). I don't like that STBXH feels it is ok to come to the door and do this. He tell DS he has to start answering his phone. That he needs to be able to get in touch with him. I feel as though he should not have any right to come to door, if son doesn't want to talk to him, that is his choice.

How should I get this to stop. I start getting crazy scared because of when D-day happened and he kept trying to break door down.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 713 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why did your DS answer the door??

Look; he's a teen. He's going to have to learn to deal with difficult people, so don't try to intervene with him and his father. It sounds like he has him figured out already. As for fearing that he'll break down your door, just call the police. If it's your residence, and he's unwelcome, let them deal with him.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20002 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd call the police if he does this again. Also, I'd craft some kind of legal notice that he's not to behave this way again. Threaten him with a restraining order. Hell, just go get one anyway. This isn't the first time he's done this. Restrain his ass.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9497 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your son just taught your STBXWH that if he comes over and makes a big fuss, he'll get what he wants. Expect it to get worse before it gets better, as he'll think "it worked last time, it will work again. I just have to keep at it!"

Sad's advice is spot on, as usual.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3312 | Registered: Dec 2011
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks you guys are great. I didn't think about it in terms of it worked, he will continue to do it. DS I think answered cause he was concerned what his dad could continue to do, and he has (anytime his dad shows up for no reason) that he will handle it.

I just hate it though. Tonight we are going to the movies and sushi. We will have great fun, but I just hate that STBXH is even in this day and my thoughts.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 713 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and I have exclusive use of the home, and he should be nowhere near it.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 713 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do a lot of volunteer work helping people keep "unmanageable" parrots in their homes through behavior modification. It's amazing how much of the stuff I learned in dealing with wild animals also works on WSs!

If this interests you at all, "Don't Shoot the Dog" is a great, easy to read book about behavior modification. Mostly centered on animals, but it works on people, too!

You may be interested in "extinction burst" which is when things get worse before they get better.

http://bcotb.com/reducing-behavior-through-non-aversive-techniques-extinction-and-the-extinction-burst/


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3312 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aw,phmh; your comparing the stbx to parrots besmirches the parrots.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20002 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad, I have known some parrots (usually severe or scarlet macaws) that are as frustrating as some WSs And, I have a certain little caique right now who might be fitting that category...

But it is really interesting how behavior modification techniques work across species -- including ourselves :) The only way I have ever been able to permanently change my behavior is using techniques I perfected with the birds!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3312 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 9

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