Topic: CatKid #2 opened X's summons
Member # 15259
| Posted: 5:10 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013|
Cat, I'm sorry. Everyone else has said it better than I can. I am so sorry you're being so badly treated by the daughter you've only done the best for.
Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010
XWH died Dec. 2010
Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
Member # 1330
| Posted: 4:26 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013|
I wrote the CatKid a letter and left it for her on Monday. In it, I detailed a lot of the things that her father has done SINCE the divorce was final, opined that healthy people that "just want to move on" and "still respect their ex" (as he maintains) don't do this. I explained that her dad and I are bound by the dictates of the divorce decree and that when one person doesn't perform as required, this is the way it gets resolved if the two parties cannot resolve it on their own.
I don't know if it made a difference, as she is working every night this week (good for her--she is working two jobs), but I detect somewhat of a thaw. We shall see.
Whether or not she should have opened something addressed to her dad is between the two of them, in my opinion. Inserting myself in that one is not a good thing to do--he can deal with it (or not). Let me tell you--it would be a way different thing if it was a summons to go to court for debt collection or something--I'm happy to stay out of that.
We will have some time to talk over the weekend--I'll keep you posted.
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
Posts: 29276 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 35229
| Posted: 6:37 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013|
Kids often seek out the acceptance/attention of a distant parent.
Your daughter is old enough to know to behave better. She is also old enough to be told what treatment you will and will not accept.
You don't have to prove your case to a 19 year old. Yes, we all want our kids to love and support us but if the price is to allow them to treat us like dirt then the price is too high.
Teach her how to treat you by not tolerating this stuff anymore. She is talking out of her arse and believing his bullshit. She may not believe you until he does it to her. It is a lesson she will learn one way or another.
“If things start happening, don't worry, don't stew, just go right along and you'll start happening too.” -Dr Seuss
Posts: 3594 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 2
| Posted: 6:51 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013|
I'm so sorry...I hope your letter helps her understand the dynamics of what you've been dealing with. My fingers are crossed
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
"I'm happily indifferent to the ones who have consistently been wrong" ~kd lang~
Posts: 185121 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 12145
| Posted: 9:50 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013|
Ask yourself, "what would I do if someone else was treating me this way".
The answer would be...you would NOT tolerate it!
I ♥ my Husband!!!
Posts: 2225 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Our happy place
Member # 12347
| Posted: 11:28 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013|
I'm so sorry.
She has no idea what her dad put me through. In her eyes, he can do no wrong and I am a shitty parent,
To me, when this happens it's like being punished for taking the high road and not letting the kids know what an absolute POS the other parent is and all the crappy dirty underhanded petty bullshit they pull on us. Or to put it another way, epic Karma fail. It sucks and it hurts like Hell and there's nothing we can do about it without coming out looking like a cheap petty golddigging villain.
Our kids lack the life experience of going through the same exact scenario so they just don't understand it. And that's a very small comfort when you're hurting so bad because of it. At least I was able to get that much out of it all. Which is kinda like being grateful that when you were shot, the bullet didn't hit any bones, right? Especially when all we can do is hope our kids never have to go through it firsthand.
Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit
Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
|Topic Posts: 46|