My H is really working hard on himself. He seems more and more aware of how....well, unaware he was during the A!
I asked him a few days ago, "were you not aware that after all the raving you did about your dad's wife, that you were having sex with someone who could have been that person for OUR kids?" He said, "well at the time I thought I was different bc I never wanted to break up our family. My dad wanted out. I did not." But he realizes how completely and utterly ridiculous that is now.
I also mentioned what she said to him, "I could never be mad at you." He said..."well....it's idiotic and childish." YES! I said. I said that to a guy when I was, 15! I am just relieved he recognizes this and does not think it's a statement a secure woman makes.
I see him get sad when he makes these realizations - as if he cannot believe he did this. I reassure him that this is all good. The webs are clearing. He's becoming more of who he is meant to be.
I think I will too.