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Newest Member: Sadmw (45324)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Getting a fresh perspective
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I just finished talking to a college friend. We both went to school at a very small college, and STBX went there as well.

When we were talking, I told him that I was divorced, and I said, "You know, we went to school with him."

My friend had NO idea who he was. He said, "I thought you married the doctor! The guy who was pre-med when we were there!"

I said, no, he was my previous BF, and we broke up. I tried describing STBX, but he didn't ring a bell with my friend.

I think that says a lot about who STBX is vs. who I am. While I wouldn't say that I'm a wildly popular person, I was involved in lots of things on campus and got to know many people. STBX could never believe how many people I knew (which would be a normal amount to any of you-- STBX literally had like ten friends at school).

That was helpful to me. I keep making STBX out to be better and happier in my mind after the recent engagement news, when in reality, he's not even on most people's radar. I need to get him off of my radar other than kids and finances as well. I need to remember how small he is and how little he truly has in his life.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. You do tend to get a new perspective once you get away from their constant drama. I remember the feeling after finally filing for D from XWH#1. I knew I would be OK, but I knew he would always be messed up.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to get him off of my radar other than kids and finances as well. I need to remember how small he is and how little he truly has in his life.

LOVE.THIS.PART.

Isn't it amazing when we can "see" so much more clearly?


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2268 | Registered: Oct 2012
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trying, this is really interesting to me! Throughout my M, I became more and more isolated. In high school and college, I always had a core group of friends. But by the time the D was final, I had no friends. Ex-shat had one friend he hung out with. He never had friends and I let him drag me down into a very unhappy isolation.

This morning I ran a race and bumped into 4 people I knew and had a nice time talking to them. That would not have been possible if I was still married to ex-shat.

I tend to think ex-shat is out living the life...but you know what? I don't think he's on many people's radar either.

Thanks for the new perspective.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember my mother commenting about how many people were on my side of the church for our wedding versus his side - which was minimal. I didn't connect until post DDay how relevant that was. (Especially considering what a "social" person he seems to be)

[This message edited by persevere at 10:14 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 5

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