I give you credit for trying to give the kids more time with him.
I'm glad you had a better discussion with him. I really commend you for working with him in this situation.
GET IT IN WRITING!!! That's my only advice.
Good for him for calming down and acknowledging openly what his concerns are.
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
I think it has really helped out out situation. The little one was back and forth so much, he never knew where he was going.
My xh and I are also amicable and talk just about everyday. It is so much better on the kids that they know for a whole week where they will be. We do our switch off on Fridays, so we have the weekend to adjust. This was a lot harder on me than it was on them. The older one says he loves the schedule cause he gets the best of both worlds. Their dad is an outgoing, always got to be doing something type of guy, while I am a homebody, let's chill and just hang out, lol.
Start with a schedule that works for you. You can always ease into the week on/week off down the road when you and the kids feel more comfortable. As far as not fighting for them four years ago? My XH thinks that little ones need their momma more. He never argued with me having full custody, and we both agreed as they got older, they'd need their dad more, and we would switch to 50/50. I actually know a lot of people that do the week on/week off and everyone seemed to really like it, especially those with older kids, and good parenting relationships. Good luck!
If all goes well, I'll write something up so XH and I will have our agreement. I'm sure he will at me.
Any tips/suggestions of things to look out for, things to help the kids adjust to the homes, and/or things to help XH and I stay on top of everything?
As long as you can coomunicate with the ex without too many major arguments, everyone should adjust just fine.
When we first did this, I was the one transporting over-night bags, etc... It became my task. I was also the only one doing their laundry, etc... I quickly found out that it wasn't going to work that way.
I sent clothes to their dads, an assortment of anything they might need. I'm not anal about getting back new clothes that I bought for them, etc... Eventually everything rotates back over.
We did the 50/50 thing until I moved away, and it was great for the kids, and set up the foundation for them to have a really good relationship with their father.
Tips for the change: we were getting the kids to pack a bag every time they changed houses, but I found that hard because invariably things go missing. The kids also found it was disruptive and a huge reminder that they had to change houses all the time. It took time, but we eventually got to the point where they had a set of everything at each house.
The really important this is to be supportive of their relationship. I remember at various times, each child has had a problem going to dad's - not because of him or his behaviour, but because they were just sad and over it. Once night my eldest called me and asked me to come home. I went over there and we talked about it together with her snuggled between us on the couch. I put her to bed in her dad's house and let her know that everything was okay.
Dont get me wrong, I hate my ex with a fiery passion. But I also know how very important it is to have a healthy realtionship with your parents.
We now all live in the same city, but far enough apart that we cant do 50/50. I would very happily do it again.
For the record, my kids are 6, 11 and 13. Their dad and I split five years ago.
XH called me yesterday while picking up DS5. He forgot what time and saw some buses leaving. He thought he missed him. Everything was fine, XH was early. But I was glad I could talk with him and tell him more about our routine so he can try to do the same. He said he would call/text if he had more questions. I haven't heard anything, so it must be fine.
I'm trying to deal with the change by staying busy. It was weird to not have to be home for DS5 to get off the bus, and to not have to pick up DS6 3 hours later. I woke up at my usual time this morning....the house was silent. I'm looking forward to tomorrow already! I miss my boys and I want to hear what they think about this change now that it's happening.
Use Google calendar. You can fill in the dates and times when the kids are due for whatever it is they need, and he can access that every day and see it.
I wouldn't give him access to it, to be able to put things in though because you don't want him to "accidently" erase something that he doesn't want to take them to.
ETA: I just went back and re-read an earlier post, Little Turtle, and I see that you have an app for this already!
It sounds like you're as on top of this as you can be. I hope your kiddos adjust to the changes well, and that you can enjoy your time without them.
[This message edited by itainteasy at 10:38 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]