I'm sorry you are going through this. I can feel your heartbreak over the miles. I wish you peace.
When has he ever been there for YOU in sickness and while raising kids on your own and helping you, other than providing an income and wasting a whole heckuva lot of family money on his OW, and then makes you the stereotype wife who gets a new fur coat or ring whenever her husband cheats.
That's how I see it. I might be 100 percent wrong. But I think with him, you can't expect a happier life "one day" because his past behavior as indicator of future behavior is that he is who he is, and this is a good as it gets.
I am angry FOR you at him, when you don't seem angry at him at all, just fearful, and that kind of worries me, too, as why you would be so scared of losing him when you're 20 years in and would get some of his retirement so wouldn't be destitute, and since you're already alone nearly every day of the year, that wouldn't change if you or he walked out. You'd still be alone either way.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 9:19 PM, May 26th (Sunday)]
I like the idea of a chrome book (didn't know that) - but take in the computer you are using and have it checked for a keylogger, ask about the limits of syncing, and what can be seen through a router if you use wireless. It will be better to know than to wonder, and maybe there's nothing to be concerned about.
But I do think given what you have shared, and the fact that the request about an Ipad and Iphone happened "yesterday" - that you need to look into it.
((Penny)) Stay strong!
My prediction is he is splitting inside. There is his life gone, with OW and the promises he makes to them. And then there is his life with you, home. The two are separated in him while he is away. At home, especially now that you have found out, the separation is not possible.
As is often true in infidelity, the affair partner knows about the marriage and children. But only through a clouded lens as shown by our cheating mates. Affair partners seem to be able to rationalize their actions, no matter who they are, and what the reality of their professional life, or home life is. Take note of General David Petraus, and his affair partner Paula Broadwell.
If you make the decision to stay with your husband, I think you need to decide what YOUR conditions are. If you decide to divorce, be smart.
Either way, I encourage you to follow the good advice of those here who recommended you get a SECURE communication mode and change all your private passwords once you do this. Pay to have someone help you with this, as has been suggested here. It could be critical as you move forward.
My own experience with a cheating spouse who was ex-military, and then working in a career that had him away from home A LOT, was there will be lots of covering, lots of lying, lots and lots of things you never, EVER, imagined possible in your mate. Once they are exposed for the fragile, very imperfect humans they are ... things can get very dicey for you.
BE SMART now.
[This message edited by luv2swim at 6:27 PM, May 27th (Monday)]