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All the "things" he was chasing were ALL the same type. I am the complete opposite of all of them. I could have walked into his job and picked out each one. So I keep asking why he wants me? I don't appear to be his type at all. I feel like his a and behavior during has magnified his and my differences greatly. I think too great to be compatible anymore. I tell him at the moment he is not someone I would even date; much less marry. I feel I was authentic from day one and he has been a fraud. How do you even build a new friendship just to co parent under these circumstances? He wants to spend every free minute with me now. I have no desire to spend that kind of time with someone who is the cause of the awful turmoil in my life. I truly detached when I first found out. I'm not attracted to him at the moment, his actions were so vile to me. I asked him to move out again and he just keeps begging for me not to call it a separation. Did your WS a make you wonder how you ever got together in the first place?

Yes. Truth is ws and I are completeopposutes. It wouldnt be so bad but for the moral aspect (apart from Iinfidelity).

I am not my WS type either and often wondered if we got together just to be another paycheck.

He has stuck it out with his non type for 15 years tho and now he has hooked up with an old HS GF which is probably more his type :-(

I'm in the same boat!! WS had multiple affairs and almost all of them, well at least the ones he "loved" were tall, blonde, big boobs (fake), they're beautiful (in a porn-star kinda way) and they like to party etc. I'm none of those things, except I have blonde highlights (yay, I have 1 thing going for me : )

I realize that it's not about their looks (entirely) and its more about how they made him feel but the insecurities I have now make me question why the heck he is with me when he puts so much value in appearances. He wasn't like that when I married him or he didn't seem to be that way or I wouldn't have married him. I don't have friends that place too much value on superficial or material things and yet, I am married to one. He's coming out of the fog and says he is now (again) the person I married but I had stop him right there and explain that he will never be the person I married again. So very sad. Where do we go from here?

Even personalities seemed the same from the texts and emails. And all sent pics of their lady (skank) parts. Something I would just never do. I used to appreciate our differences but now not so much.

WH is a chubby chaser/fat admirer so all of the females in WH R life have that in common but it stops there. I am an ex-plus-size model, "girly" girl and all the females incl the cOW that WH had R with are all very masculine in habit and looks. Personality wise I am (should say was) kind, compassionate, empathetic and would give my last penny to help out a person but they would not give you ice in winter even if you were dying of thirst. WH sister was very quick to point out these differences . WH reverted to type with cOW.

ETA: I hate the term "girly" girl as I am a woman but used the term to emphasise our opposite ends of the scale differences.

[This message edited by TheTooGoodWife at 5:22 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]

I know how you feel, I dont think im his type either. After all, why would he be searching for other females on dating sites. Yet, he keeps saying I am the one.

Well, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who finds this to be true.

My STBXWH's multiple OW were all very overweight except one, and she had serious mental problems. They were all filthy-mouthed, loud, the type to scream at their kids, just like his ex wife was.

Me, I'm 110 lbs., rather quiet although not in a shy way, always loved being with my kids -- Well, I'm just the opposite from all of them, both in looks and personality.

I have often wondered how we got together. I did refuse to date him for over a month when we first met because I knew he wasn't my type, but he kept pursuing, using his psychopath glib and charm for several months, and I was dumb enough to finally fall for it. I wish I knew then what I know now!

He preys on the weak, and when we met, I was vulnerable; new in town, new at my job, newly divorced, like a colt on wobbly legs. I'd have been fine if I had just kept refusing to date him.

I know how you feel, I dont think im his type either. After all, why would he be searching for other females....Yet, he keeps saying I am the one.

Me too. He keeps tryin to convince me with his words that I am the "woman of his dreams. That I'm the greatest woman he met in all his life"

I don't know if I can ever believe those words. His actions have spoken loud enough.

All his OW were completely diff then me but all similar to each other as far as personalities.

My WH has been married twice. Both of us wives are tallish, thin but with big boobs, highly educated and we earn big paychecks. We are also very responsible, accountable, reliable, stable. Neither of us have ever cheated and it would be almost impossible to catch us lying. Because we just aren't inclined to do it.

He has had at least 6 A's. All with chubby to very overweight, pear shaped brunettes. All with little education and low level jobs. All repeat cheaters, emotionally unstable women. High need, irresponsible. Liars.

It makes sense. His wife and I are everything his absent mom wasn't. But all his AP's are carbon copies of his mom

WS and I have had this conversation for years about his women he likes on TV, movies, music etc. I am the total opposite of all of them.

They are usually typical blondes with good bodies. I am tall,light brown hair that has been red for over 30 years, small boobs and not a good butt, yet all of his porn was centered on big asses. He has always been an ass and leg man, which I do have long, reasonably nice legs.

His reasoning is that he doesn't look like the men I find attractive yet I have always loved and wanted him and he says I am everything he wants. It doesn't make sense and the hookers on his list certainly were not like me and varied in looks and body types.

I honestly think most men love that skanky, dirty, nasty kind of woman and we aren't that thanks goodness.

I honestly think most men love that skanky, dirty, nasty kind of woman

Men want that type of woman when they want to use someone because they figure that type is easy to manipulate. Also, it's easy to feel superior to that type, and a WS needs to feel superior to get an ego stroke.

I guess this is why so many WS's, including mine, go to the gutter for an A.

He says he would never consider being in a relationship with any of them nor want to have kids with them. I guess I was just like the furniture to him, he figured I'd always be here waiting for him after he was out having his fun. He felt like getting me pregnant would help keep me distracted from all the dirt he was doing. Everything is tainted by his a.

Look up Madonna - Whore Syndrome in psychology texts.

It's a thing with males from ancient times. The Madonna being the mother of Jesus, and not the Madonna in leather with whips, chains and a cone-shaped bra.