My question is...this separation and divorce is what I wanted. He kept saying he didnt want it, but his actions didnt say that. So, now that I have what I want, why do I feel so damn rejected?
My immediate reaction to your post and question is to say that perhaps you didn't want the marriage to end and because it is ending but was a one-sided thing that happened. I don't want to say "one sided choice", but that's how mine feels.
I think we are in neighboring canoes (I hate the term "same boat", they get tiring)...STBXH/Perv is the one with the A and string of "female acquaintances" but there are many mixed reports including his own about actual divorce.
Yes, I totally agree with you-it's the actions. These are not the actions of married men or people who want to be married. To me it feels like they want a situation, but marriage? uh-uh.
And we as BS wanted to be with them and to be married, but a choice was forced, in a way. At least that's my two cents and how I feel about "my own" situation, which sounds somewhat similar.
I feel rejected for many, many reasons and think it's rather valid.
I don't know if that will help any or not.
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
The question you should ask yourself is why do you feel he is rejecting you instead of you rejecting him? Especially given:
He was very abusive to her as well.
If we didn't reject them we'd be tolerating their girlfriends.
but a choice was forced, in a way
couldnt have said it better myself. I am not very good at putting my feelings into words, so you 2 have helped me do it. Thank you so much
hung onto the dillusional belief that deep down, under all the shitty behavior and betrayals, he really did care,
I was hopeing for this as well, I thought maybe the threat of losing his family, would put things into perspective, but sadly no, it turned out to be all my fault.
Every time you blame yourself or wonder what you could have done differently to get a different outcome, remind yourself of his actions. HIS ACTIONS.
Every time you feel rejected, tell yourself that you think highly enough of yourself to not put up with his shit.
Every time you blame yourself or wonder what you could have done differently
I have finally realized there was nothing I could have done, and it only took me 3o years GO ME!!!!
He has unknowingly helped me move forward, as when I found out about this new one, I called the real estate this morning and had the house on the market by this afternoon.
I've posted this link a million times - "She's Special", its the second article down. I was blinded by all of the lighbulbs going off.
This is a pattern. Its a bitter pill to swallow when you realise none of this has anything to do with you. Not the 'love' nor the betrayals. We and our children are merely collateral damage in the revolving door they call their love life.
Every time you feel rejected, tell yourself that you think highly enough of yourself to not put up with his shit
They don't cheat because we're not good enough - they cheat because they're not good enough.
I couldn't have said it any better than this.