They're adults who fancied themselves "in love." When adults feel love,they usually express it physically,unless distance is a factor.
Why do you assume there was no sex?
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I'm guessing there was at least some kissing going if he was telling her that he loves her.
Has he given you any trickle truth?
I know it was not PA as 1) she was giving other waitresses permission to pursue him since they weren't together like that and 2) my H bawled like a baby in my arms lamenting why she didn't love him back - how she didnt want him...that was hard on him you know, with them being soul-mates and all...
It's quite possible that your finding out about the EA stopped it from becoming a PA. After the NC text was sent - she insisted he come tell her in person. I know down to my core, she would have given him what he wanted to keep him - I even told him as much. But he refused to see her.
So it's possible it was just an EA - doesn't mean it wasn't heading to a PA though...
Are you just assuming there wasn't any sex, or are you sure?
Iím not SURE sure since I wasnít there. I do know for a fact that FWH was beaten down by my constant nagging and arguing for 1.5 yrs after DD1. He didnít want to be in the same room with me anymore because I had a bad case of tunnelvision and depression. All I did for these 1.5 yrs was ask questions, blame and shout. I didnít even care if one of the kids needed attention. He said he wouldíve paid money to be able to have a normal relationship with me again and talk about daily stuff, but I didnít want any of that.
OW, however, did, and gladly took my place.
FWH said he always told her he didnít want to leave me. She did ask about it and indicated sheíd leave her M the second he asked.
FWH told me he wanted to end the affair but didnít have the backbone at the time.
He and I didnít have sex at the time. He was always tired and, in retrospect, sick of himself and the whole situation and certainly not in the mood to have sex with me or anyone. Weíd have sex, and soon after Iíd get outraged again, that was the cycle we had before that. Apparently the whole nature of this second affair was different, more of an emotional outlet for him, and there was no mention of them having sex.
He did tell OW the affair made him uncomfortable and he didnít like the lies.
At their last walk she asked him if he even wanted to be there, with her, and he said no and left her standing there.
He was relieved when I found out and he made the NC-call, telling her he regretted the day he met her and any day he spent time with her, in my presence.
He has been std tested and nothing was found. He is still in NC. There has been some TT but he soon found out it was only hurting his case.
There is honestly not really a way to know for sure, but from your second post, it sounds like he didn't even mean it when he told her he loved her, and she was basically an outlet for him. Still hurtful though, and still completely unacceptable.
In some ways, I almost think that the EA part is more hurtful then the PA part. I'm able to rationalize in my head: I had a lot of meaningless sex when I was single. She was just a glory hold with a body attached. I've certainly had the reverse- and think nothing of those people now. The EA part though, those people are the ones I worry WH thinks about instead of me.
In your h case, it sounds like this woman was nothing more than an emotional cum dumpster for him, however, and I would take comfort in knowing that it doesn't sound like he was all that attached to HER and more attached to the idea of having someone female to talk to.
At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
For example, I would not consider it a PA if they were just holding hands or hugged while greeting. However, if they met at the park to make-out, than that would definitely be a PA.
[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 11:23 AM, May 26th (Sunday)]
[This message edited by AmberDust at 11:59 AM, May 26th (Sunday)]
[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 1:07 PM, May 26th (Sunday)]