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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is this still EA or is it PA ?
AmberDust
♀ Member
Member # 38904
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Daily phone calls for six months: EA
Telling OW you love her: EA
Two meet-ups for a walk in a parc: EA or PA ?
(I'm assuming there hasn't been any sex :-S

Posts: 723 | Registered: Apr 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If they met,then I would assume they had sex,or at least some form of intimate contact.

They're adults who fancied themselves "in love." When adults feel love,they usually express it physically,unless distance is a factor.

Why do you assume there was no sex?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7319 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you just assuming there wasn't any sex, or are you sure?

I'm guessing there was at least some kissing going if he was telling her that he loves her.

Has he given you any trickle truth?


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
NoraLee
♀ Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H's EA -for 5 months they met up daily to walk her dogs and sat around her house at night after work - H told her he was in love with her. She just wanted to be friends. She gave him enough hope to keep him coming around - she loved the attention and the drugs but I know she had feelings - the way she fought for him after NC text was sent - how she denigrated me to him during the A - she convinced him to move out - didn't last long but he look for a place and initiated moving out!

I know it was not PA as 1) she was giving other waitresses permission to pursue him since they weren't together like that and 2) my H bawled like a baby in my arms lamenting why she didn't love him back - how she didnt want him...that was hard on him you know, with them being soul-mates and all...


It's quite possible that your finding out about the EA stopped it from becoming a PA. After the NC text was sent - she insisted he come tell her in person. I know down to my core, she would have given him what he wanted to keep him - I even told him as much. But he refused to see her.

So it's possible it was just an EA - doesn't mean it wasn't heading to a PA though...


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
AmberDust
♀ Member
Member # 38904
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you just assuming there wasn't any sex, or are you sure?

Iím not SURE sure since I wasnít there. I do know for a fact that FWH was beaten down by my constant nagging and arguing for 1.5 yrs after DD1. He didnít want to be in the same room with me anymore because I had a bad case of tunnelvision and depression. All I did for these 1.5 yrs was ask questions, blame and shout. I didnít even care if one of the kids needed attention. He said he wouldíve paid money to be able to have a normal relationship with me again and talk about daily stuff, but I didnít want any of that.
OW, however, did, and gladly took my place.

FWH said he always told her he didnít want to leave me. She did ask about it and indicated sheíd leave her M the second he asked.

FWH told me he wanted to end the affair but didnít have the backbone at the time.
He and I didnít have sex at the time. He was always tired and, in retrospect, sick of himself and the whole situation and certainly not in the mood to have sex with me or anyone. Weíd have sex, and soon after Iíd get outraged again, that was the cycle we had before that. Apparently the whole nature of this second affair was different, more of an emotional outlet for him, and there was no mention of them having sex.

He did tell OW the affair made him uncomfortable and he didnít like the lies.
At their last walk she asked him if he even wanted to be there, with her, and he said no and left her standing there.
He was relieved when I found out and he made the NC-call, telling her he regretted the day he met her and any day he spent time with her, in my presence.
He has been std tested and nothing was found. He is still in NC. There has been some TT but he soon found out it was only hurting his case.


Posts: 723 | Registered: Apr 2013
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like it was only an EA- although even if they didn't have sex on their walks, they could very easily have kissed, held hands, groped, etc....

There is honestly not really a way to know for sure, but from your second post, it sounds like he didn't even mean it when he told her he loved her, and she was basically an outlet for him. Still hurtful though, and still completely unacceptable.

In some ways, I almost think that the EA part is more hurtful then the PA part. I'm able to rationalize in my head: I had a lot of meaningless sex when I was single. She was just a glory hold with a body attached. I've certainly had the reverse- and think nothing of those people now. The EA part though, those people are the ones I worry WH thinks about instead of me.

In your h case, it sounds like this woman was nothing more than an emotional cum dumpster for him, however, and I would take comfort in knowing that it doesn't sound like he was all that attached to HER and more attached to the idea of having someone female to talk to.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would consider a PA to be any bodily contact with the intent to cause sexual arousal.

For example, I would not consider it a PA if they were just holding hands or hugged while greeting. However, if they met at the park to make-out, than that would definitely be a PA.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 11:23 AM, May 26th (Sunday)]


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5641 | Registered: Aug 2007
AmberDust
♀ Member
Member # 38904
Sad  Posted: 11:58 AM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

::double post::

[This message edited by AmberDust at 11:59 AM, May 26th (Sunday)]


Posts: 723 | Registered: Apr 2013
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A walk in the park usually means blowjob in the car. If there was any time spent alone I would definitely not omit something physical happening.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 1:07 PM, May 26th (Sunday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1232 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Topic Posts: 9

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