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Newest Member: ThomasD (45459)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: So Confused!
HeavyE
♂ Member
Member # 19333
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Manly hugs.

You are priority one. Only focus on yourself and your healing. That is all that matters.

Find your strength and motivation. You are worth it.

This too shall pass.


You can't change the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

Me Tarzan
Her Jane

Reconciled
D-Day 4/14/08


Posts: 9561 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Birthplace of America's Music
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hoping that the night got easier and that today is a better day.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52771 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Spursguy
♂ New Member
Member # 39356
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support. I keep looking at my phone hoping to see a message from my wife. Its never there. I cant stop thinking about her. My life has come to a stand still and hers has kept on going. Maybe reconciling isnt possible. Who knows...

Posts: 19 | Registered: May 2013
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spursguy,

I know it's hard to believe, but this will get better. You will get over this.

These f'd up situations test us all but as long as you're still breathing at the end of the day you pass the test.

Keep finding the strength to put one foot in front of the other or take one more breath. It gets better. We all survived it and you will too.

Strength to you.


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 647 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
Thinkingtoomuch
♀ Member
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Spurs

We're all rooting for you here. This has been so traumatic and you have to take care of you first and foremost in the most basic sense. Please take one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You'll get thru it and you will be stronger and you will be ok.

Prayers and hugs.


Posts: 818 | Registered: Apr 2011
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're definitely all here for you. Real people who really care. Come anytime and get out anything you need.

(((Spursguy)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17917 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spurs

I was a cop back when I had my d-day.
Walked in on her having very passionate and intense sex in our bed.
In my case I decided to end the relationship then and there.
For the next couple of months I had very tough thoughts… Thoughts that led me to placing my gun in my mouth and dreaming what it would be like to apply just a little pressure to that trigger…
Obviously I didn’t.

Now – Some 25+ years later I realize the work I did on myself and my personal recovery are a large part of what I am today. I’m professionally successful, in a great marriage, have great kids (and grandkids too!). I am financially well off, socially where I want to be… All in all I wouldn’t want to exchange my life for anything or anyone.

I’ve had harder experiences over the years than her infidelity. I had a thriving business embezzled to ruin, a severely premature baby with no chance of living and/or being healthy (he’s in college and on the honors list! Talk about beating the odds!). But although these experiences seemed harder then none drew me to the emotional depth and wasteland infidelity did.

Just keep in mind that things WILL get better. In my first post I told you that you WILL recover. That’s a promise you can make to yourself. You WILL recover and do it right you will come out of this a stronger and better person.


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5565 | Registered: Sep 2005
Blameitontherain
♀ Member
Member # 37476
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope today is a little brighter for you. Even if you don't feel like posting, please keep reading. Focus on yourself.
I know it can seem like things are spiraling out of control and only seem to get worse. Take back your power. Only you can give it away and only you can get it back. If you were a woman, I'd say get your bitch boots on. I don't know the male equavilant. You can and will get through this. Massive huge hugs spursguy.

[This message edited by Blameitontherain at 12:39 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2012
Spursguy
♂ New Member
Member # 39356
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Went home yesterday and found my wife has moved all her stuff out and is living at her moms now. Back at the hospital now. Too depressing being at home. She took a few things that have real sentimental value to us together. Not sure if that means somewhere inside her she still wants to be with me. So hard to work on my own stuff with so much on my mind.

Posts: 19 | Registered: May 2013
Spursguy
♂ New Member
Member # 39356
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Went home yesterday and found my wife has moved all her stuff out and is living at her moms now. Back at the hospital now. Too depressing being at home. She took a few things that have real sentimental value to us together. Not sure if that means somewhere inside her she still wants to be with me. So hard to work on my own stuff with so much on my mind.

Posts: 19 | Registered: May 2013
Spursguy
♂ New Member
Member # 39356
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seperating. So hurt. So confused.

Posts: 19 | Registered: May 2013
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spurs,
I know this isn’t what you want. But reality is what it is…
Earlier I used the burning house analogy. Well – it’s particularly apt now. Separation or your WW moving out isn’t what you want not any more than you want to wake up to a burning house. But IF you do wake up in a burning house then wishing it wasn’t so won’t change anything. So friend – just deal with the cards you are dealt with.
Look back to my advice on page two on this thread. It still applies. It still IMHO gives you the best path to BOTH personal recovery and the possibility of saving your marriage.

And Spurs – When you are asked why you and WW are separated then stick to the truth: She had an affair and you had a nervous breakdown as a consequence of that trauma.


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5565 | Registered: Sep 2005
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending your strength, Spurs.

Keep repeating you will get through this.


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 647 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spurs

Her leaving you is a sign.

Take this time in your life to focus on you. To understand your depression and conquer it.

Get yourself to a better place so you are happy with her or without her.

Do not settle or anything less.

Keep us posted.

HM64


Posts: 906 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
Spursguy
♂ New Member
Member # 39356
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Out of the hospital now. Starting to feel a little bit of optimism for my future. She says maybe it will work in the future. Im not holding my breath. Im not willing to be walked on and abandoned when i am at my lowest point then just forget about it and get back together with her. I gave her almost everything i dont care i just dont want laywers involved. Ive met a girl but am kind of holding her off at a distance because if im going to have a relationship with her i dont want it to be some sort of rebound. When is a good time to start dating after seperation?

Posts: 19 | Registered: May 2013
Spursguy
♂ New Member
Member # 39356
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any advice? Anyone?

Posts: 19 | Registered: May 2013
HeavyE
♂ Member
Member # 19333
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is too early to start a new relationship.

You need to figure out how to move forward. If you don't want attorneys involved come up with an agreeement and get her to sign off on it and file.

Sorry man. Hang in there.


You can't change the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

Me Tarzan
Her Jane

Reconciled
D-Day 4/14/08


Posts: 9561 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Birthplace of America's Music
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spurs, brother

read my name. I was able to successfully pick 5 women who were willing to cheat on me. I didn't fix me first.

use the 180. work on you while you decide what's happening now.

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3040 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 58
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