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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Would you get a defense attorney?
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wrote last week about my stbx who filed a theft case against me accusing me of stealing his police issued fire extinguisher, keys and birth certificate. I am scheduled to go in, have my rights read, and give a statement.

My therapist suggested I let my attorney know. So I did and informed my attorney that my stbx has filed a false report and I'm just tired of the passive aggressive bullshit.

He strongly suggested I get a defense attorney. Shit. I just want my stbx to not file any more false theft reports. I just want him to stop.

I don't want this to affect me professionally ~ education, employment and volunteer, since I am in the process of rebuilding my life. Is there a chance this would affect it?

I'm also worried that if I get a defense attorney and he tells me to file against stbx for the false report, that this may be the trigger that makes stbx lose it. I'm always worried about what is the one thing that would make him lose it. I don't want him to come after me. I don't know if the police gave him back his weapons and badge yet and I can't find out.

All this for a fire extinguisher.

Passive-aggressives don't magically get better, right? Remind me that the fire extinguisher is not the last of it. Right?


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2114 | Registered: Oct 2012
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would get a defense attorney. Or at the very least I would contact the victim's advocacy group.

I know that personally, being attacked and feeling attacked (not always the same thing) can trigger me into anxiety. While in the midst of a panic attack I would say/do/agree to nearly anything to get the feeling of being trapped or attacked to stop.

I would want someone rational by my side.

I also think a good counter attack is the best defense against a bully. An attorney is best to lead this charge.

I am afraid he won't stop as long as he feels in control and you responding to his accusations leaves him in control.

(((hugs)))


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5587 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First of all F.T.G. What's he going to accuse you of next -stealing his lost underwear? Douche!

If this were just any D situation - I'd say screw it, go, tell them the truth. But given your STBX is a cop, and assuming you are going into his turf on this... I think a Def. Atty is a good idea. I'm just concerned they'll bully you, the whole brothers in blue thing...

My X is also a cop - but I don't know where the lines for this kind of thing: what they can ask? do? what games they could play? Can you ask to have it recorded? What if they say no?

The Def. Atty. should know the limits and keep them in line. And I'd be asking the Def. Atty. all that, to make sure he does know, before I hired one.

And if the Def.Atty. tells you to go after him for false charges... Well, you can cross that bridge when you get to it... maybe you could go after him civilly for the cost of the Def. Atty....?

Anyway, my 2 cents.

[This message edited by Take2 at 6:26 PM, May 26th (Sunday)]


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you talk to your local district attorney first about the false police report? Tell the DA EVERYTHING. See where that takes you. You may not have to go the route that's been suggested if the DA champions up your cause.

Good luck.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19794 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do NOT talk to the DA yourself... Hire a lawyer and have the lawyer handle it.

Really.


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1427 | Registered: Nov 2010
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust your attorney on this one - he or she knows what to expect at your local court better than anyone.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13560 | Registered: Jul 2011
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for responding! I guess I just needed to hear it from my D/S gang. I am out of denial and will get my butt in gear finding a defense attorney. Thank you very much!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2114 | Registered: Oct 2012
Jeaniegirl
♀ Member
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he has filed charges against you, you cannot contact the prosecutor. A defense attorney would have to do that. I'd suggest a good defense attorney as this could definitely have an impact on your future employment as you'd have to answer the ...'have you ever been arrested' question truthfully. It sounds as if he's trying to ruin you. Fight back.


"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 921 | Registered: Feb 2005
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Contact a defense atty and discuss, but keep in mind the prosecutor is only going to go forward if they believe they actually have a case so there is a chance he/she may see this for the civil domestic bullshit that it is and drop it. Just because the shitbag filed charges and says you did it doesn't make it so. But if you contact an atty then at least you will be prepared to go on the offensive if you need to...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 965 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you! How the heck did y'all get so smart? I don't even know how all this plays out so I will be spending the morning researching about the process, prosecutor, etc. Yesterday I looked up what is a defense attorney and miranda rights!

What I learned from you all is that it's not about the "fire extinguisher" per se but the fact that he actually filed a theft report against me and the consequences (personally and professionally) of that.

Thank you for your support!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2114 | Registered: Oct 2012
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to ease her mind a tiny bit... In dmari's state it is illegal to ask a potential employee or an employee if they've ever been arrested. It's in the same category as asking about race, religion, etc. This is precisely *because* an arrest doesn't mean someone committed a crime, and therefore using arrest records is highly discriminatory, especially because minorities are more likely to be arrested, whether they're guilty of a crime or not.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Coraline!! How did you know that??? That does ease my mind a bit.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2114 | Registered: Oct 2012
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because I was sure that was the law in many states, so I Google yours....I mean, I know yours, right?


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, get a defense attorney. Then sue your ex for court costs after you are exonerated.

What a douche bag.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15240 | Registered: Jun 2006
Topic Posts: 14

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