"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron
It's absolutely necessary to persist however. Continue to acknowledge your feelings even if your WS can't fully. There is very little room for negotiating or denying feelings. Get the support you need, from your WS and here and IRL.
We are in R.
Does she know what that requires?
but she says things like "you can't know that you will never trust the same way again", and "just because it takes other people 2-5 years, doesn't mean you have to stick to that timeframe" etc etc.
Early on my wife said similar things. She even told me if this could really take 5 years she wasn't sure she wanted to wait that long. I don't remember if I said anything or just stared at her.
Later on she came and apologized and told me she understood that it will take as long as it takes and that she would do whatever it took. The problem here is that whether she thinks she gets it or not, she is not thinking about your pain and healing primarily as it pertains to you, but how it affects her. You can try to explain that to her but she has to work through that in her head and understand it herself.
But for her to keep acting like I'm overstating things and that the devastation shouldn't be as huge as it is, is really pissing me off.
Are you discussing this, specifically, in MC? At the very least, you and your W need to get on the same wavelength about the impact of the A, and this is something the MC should be able to help you with.