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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My first Dday Anniversary :-(
pjkmkjm23
♂ Member
Member # 35778
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know in my tag I have it listed as May 28th but that is actually the day I really learned the extent of what was going on. Today, one year ago, is the day I gave my STBXWW an ultimatum - either she quit her job and we see if we can even salvage this M or we're done. I then took our kids to the park for a couple of hours and when we got back I found she had hurriedly packed some things and she was gone. No goodbyes to me or the kids, no contact info, nothing. 2 weeks prior, I thought we had a pretty damn happy M

I'm not sure why I'm posting really. We're beyond done and I should be moving on. I filed for divorce and due to our local laws of a mandatory 1 year separation before divorce, I was told I couldn't have the divorce before today but that it could come now as soon as today or any day from here on out. STBXWW didn't even contest and is still happily with POS OM. (one good side note and karma ex: her and OM lost their business a couple of months ago!!!)

We're still before the courts for custody of the kids. There should be some kind of resolution fairly soon now. I'm sure I'll be posting more next week as I have a thing we have to go that will give a good indication of what way it's leaning.

She's still pulling her crap and doesn't seem to be thinking of letting up soon at all. I asked for the kids this weekend as I had something I wanted to take them too....of course she said no...then I find out when they get home that STBXWW and POS OM went away for the weekend and left my kids with babysitters the entire weekend! That bitch would rather leave the kids with babysitters than let me have them....and she's still looking out for #1 (no worries, L knew about this as soon as I did and I "accidentally" let it slip to the school too - where they are very quickly losing the last shreds of any respect they had for her).

But 1 year now? Wow! I wasted a lot of this year hoping that things would go back to normal. I've even been flirted with by a couple of nice women (MUCH to my surprise) but politely brushed off everything....I still feel married and I'm not really interested in any other woman except my WW....how twisted is that? Especially after everything she's done! I've posted some of it here and kept a lot of it to myself....but trust me, there is a long, huge disgusting list that any normal male including me should only have to read once and realize what a broken woman this is and want nothing to do with her.

These last couple of months I've really begun seeing her in a new light and realized that if my old dream came true, that she left POS OM and came home willing to do anything and everything needed to repair this M, that I don't want that anymore. That I CAN'T have that anymore. Maybe early on I could have got past this again....with ALOT OF WORK....but not after a full year and all the shit that's gone on.

But today I realize I miss the old her. I miss my M. I'm from a broken home and for as long as I can remember, I always promised myself I would never do this to my kids. I wanted my kids to be the 'weird kids' who's parents were still actually together and who didn't even have any step-parents....or a family tree that goes sideways or whatever

Well, I hope the first Dday anniversary is the hardest because this one kind of sucks. I'm trying to convince myself that this marks the end of the worst year of my life and that it only gets better from here on out. That's true, ain't it?!!

Thanks again to everyone at SI....I really don't think I could have made it through without you all. I know I haven't been posting much lately but I read just about everyday....and many, many of you have helped me without even knowing about it. Thank you again


Posts: 305 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Canada
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((pjkmkjm23)))))

I am sorry. I promise, it does get better. You've had a chance during this past year to see what issues need to be carefully spelled out in your divorce papers.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011
scotslass
♀ Member
Member # 39204
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to send you hugs and support.


3 wonderful children (sometimes!!)
18 ds
16 dd
14 ds
Me. - moving on and upward !!!

Posts: 102 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there time to add "right of first refusal" to the custody agreement? This way you are given the opportunity to take the kids before they are handed off to a babysitter or relative when X can't keep them.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow pj, what an awful lot of stuff you have processed in a year.

That first year I was still on the couch with a wine glass in my hand or flailing my grief out on the floor of the shower, or crying on the yoga mat...

I made a point of being as far away as possible on the antiversaries...

Year 1: flew across the country to visit friends in Niagara-on-the-Lake.

Year 2: stayed at an Oceanside resort on Cannon Beach in Oregon.

Year 3: rented a cabin on an island near here that had a wood stove and a soaker tub on the deck.

Year 4: was not on the continent. Went to London to see the Queen.

This year I'm going to do a staycation because I've sold my apartment where it all went down and that chapter is closing.

I will always do something nice for myself, but the day no longer holds much meaning.

You'll get there too.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17493 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HUGS))))

This weekend/approximate timeframe is two years out from DDay. It really does get better as time goes on, brother. It's all a series of baby steps, then sitting & processing your thoughts.

One day at a time.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I second the suggestion about First Right of Refusal.

((pjkmkjm23)) Everyone has their own timeline. DD antiversary for me came and went without much fanfare. But the start antiversary of the start of False R was surprisingly difficult.

We're only a year into this friend. Don't have too high expectations of yourself. I had decided to not have children for fear of exactly this happening. It was a big fear. He knew that and he did it anyway.

I'm still missing my dead husband and I will do for some time. Letting go of what I never had was one of the hardest and most painful aspects of all of this. Accepting that I accepted the unacceptable for so long.

These betrayals beyond infidelity are in a lot of ways worse. Once you see what is under the mask you cannot unsee it.

Be gentle with yourself - everyone has their own timeline. Keep working on detaching and acceptance. The grieving will take as long as it takes.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
pjkmkjm23
♂ Member
Member # 35778
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to each of you who took the time to respond, it meant a lot to me

I have now sent an email to my L about first right of refusal so we'll see where that goes. Thanks again.


Posts: 305 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 8

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