This probably isn't comforting at all, but you're right on schedule. The gaping, open wound is sorta filling in a little from the bottom and thinking of starting a scab. But there's still a long way to go. If it is any help at all, I look back and it seems like this year has just flown by. I don't understand it since some of the days lasted for eons, but now, I look back in my journal and am bewildered by time's passage. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE F-ing OVER!
Oh yes! This is exactly what I have been screaming lately. I can't take it anymore. My WH isn't suffering as much as I am.
I understand. I just want to move on but the mind is a tricky thing.
I wanted to rush my healing, our healing but it wasn't to be.
I have had people here and elsewhere say the average time is 2.5 to 5 years. Ugh, I know.
Think about it and then say the a is something that happened not that's happening. List 10 good things about your marriage now and then pat yourself one the back for all you have endured and how far you've come.
I know I am stronger. I know MY boundaries so if he chooses to cross them then he will deal with the consequences.
The power is back bc I know I am different.
Can't change the past but you can certainly learn from it.
Hang in there. You can do it.
I found that when I let go of the "OMG are you fucking kidding me, it might take 5 YEARS" and replaced it with "well fuck, it might take five years, ok" it took a huge weight off my shoulders. It allow you more opportunity to focus on the good, instead of the bad.
But the fact is, if you'd been beated, stabbed and left for dead in some field, you'd probably not be "over it" by now. Allow yourself to accep the magnitude of your own trauma. I think it makes it heal faster.
[This message edited by Rebreather at 7:35 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)]
Allow yourself to accep the magnitude of your own trauma. I think it makes it heal faster.
Yep, so true.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.