Maybe do leftovers? Or does he insist on a "fresh" lunch all the time?
confused615 ~ do you get up at 5:00 am to make his lunch or is that just the time you get up? Does your WH appreciate you making his lunch? I wouldn't so much mind getting up and making his lunch if he didn't complain about his lunch when I do make it. eta: I feel that is very sweet, thoughtful and kind of you confused. No slaps! Good wife.
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 10:32 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
I generally don't make appointments for him though...he usually does that when he has a break at work but I would if he was just too busy.
The thing is, I think it is fine to do those things for the person you love so long as they actually appreciate it. If the person is demanding, complains and is ungrateful then no, I wouldn't put myself out to do those extra things. Just because you're at home doesn't mean you're a slave either!
I actually don't really mind. We go to bed fairly early now that he's on first shift(about 30 minutes after the kids go to bed),so getting up that early isn't too difficult. DS gets up at 6AM to shower and get ready for school,so I usually have about 20 minutes of quiet time to drink my tea and read SI before my day begins.
He never complains about his lunch. Sometimes I pack it,sometimes I don't(usually when Im pissy). He can eat out on the days that I don't,so he's not gonna starve. He always thanks me for his lunch,and usually sends me a text after he gets to work thanking me for getting up with him that morning and keeping him company..and he'll tell me how much it means to him,how much he loves me,etc.
If I don't get up with him,he will text me and tell me he missed me that morning.
If he were to bitch about it..I would stop. Screw that!
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
As I said, I used to make his lunches, but he would come home and complain. He would accuse me of not caring, not thinking. He felt I made a shitty lunch on purpose. He accused me of just making a sandwich the way I liked it and not the way he liked it. He thought I was playing games. I would never do that. What kind of fucking evil manipulative bitch did he think I was? So many clues that I missed. I am an authentic person. Never played mind games with people. I thought most people didn't. Foolish me. My FWH obviously thought I played mind games because that is what he did.
(((SMS))) This is straight-up gaslighting. That is totally different from general bitching about lunches. He doesn't think you play mind games, he was leading you off the scent of his misdeeds/shortcomings by making you feel bad/inadequate about yourself with stuff that is not even remotely true. No wonder you don't want to make his lunches, I wouldn't either. Even if he totally reformed and no longer did it, what a huge trigger for so many negative feelings. You are absolutely entitled to be pissed about this.
Enforcing boundaries IS hard. Especially when you've been conditioned that everything is your fault and/or to be the grand master caretaker. It feels like a greater punishment for you than for him, but only in the short run. You keep at it, and in the long run you will see you are doing the right thing for yourself and him. You can do it!