I'm so sorry you find yourself dealing with this.
As an outsider looking in, my advice to you would be to cut the communications with your WS to all but essential business matters.
She is not sorry, she is no where near remorse, she's just p....d that she got caught out, that the fantasy is out in the open, and her secret life is secret no more.
At this point, you need to be completely egocentric, deal with what you need to, not her drama.
The texting, emailing and conversations are just feeding her need to be the center of interest and in control of you and the situation.
This has to stop.
If you remove all the vocal garbage, what is she actually doing?
She is more than likely still in contact with her AP and refuses a formal NC. She's vilifying you, in her mind it's all your fault. She's holding on to an ever decreasing level of control, and she refuses to give up her passwords.... she's calling it privacy, but as anyone here will tell you, after infidelity hits, it's not privacy - it's secrecy.
Your best course of action is to educate yourself as you plan to. Contact a top lawyer, accountant, estate agent, and prepare for the worst - we all hope that none of it is necessary, but to be forewarned is to be forearmed.
Read up on the 180, and live it. Let your WS have a taste of what's to come if she continues on in this fashion. She's the one throwing the word divorce around, not the words of someone who has any intention of R.
The comments above about turning her statements back on her is spot on, and don't forget the classic "I'm sorry you feel that way...." especially when she comes out with yet more verbage.
Please take care of yourself, and remember this is 100% on her, she freely chose to go outside your relationship.