You are not crazy, and his piss poor choices in life are in no way a reflection of your value or worth, and they are entirely his bad decision making and lack of coping skills. You did not drive him to this, he got in the car and drove himself. Its not your fault in the least.
You never truly know what Shit creek looks like until you find yourself sitting in the middle of it without a paddle.
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies!
Continue to come here and post and listen, there are many here that can help you through this process.
Big hugs to you.
The pre-A issues are 50%, but the A is 100% his choice. You have to realize that fact before you can get to a better place in your healing. Do not allow him to blame you for his bad choices. They didn't come ask you for your opinion on their affair, did they? Of course they didn't. Sometimes people are so broken they can't fix themselves. That was my XWH#1 and it's looking like WH#2 may be headed down the same path. It is really a shame that someone is that unhappy with themselves. (((HUGS)))
I had a text conversation with him last night and told him that I felt like he was selfish and that I needed to see much more humility and honesty from him. I also told him that I will no longer tolerate any verbal, emotional, or mental abuse from him and that it seems that he is a sympathy junkie and uses sympathy to manipulate others. His response was "how am I being selfish? How do I abuse you? and I don't want your fucking sympathy, I want your love" The conversation was much longer of course, but he obviously can't see it. Even if he did change at this point, I am not sure that I would believe it. Too many lies, too many illusions. I am so grateful that I found this site. I do have IC, but is so beneficial to have a group of peers to ask. I can't tell reality from illusion anymore, but I think that I am getting better at it.