Memorial Day sucked because he was depressed and moping, wouldn't say a word to me and the kids all day. It just reminded me of his old A behavior and it triggered me. I let him know that it triggered me and he responded with his usual snarkiness of 'Can't a person just be depressed?'
I am not liking who he is at all right now. Between him not liking my new found independence and supportive friends (thank you 180) and his entitlement to being depressed, I am ready to blow a gasket
All I feel like doing at the moment is name calling and I know that's not right, but I truly feel my WH and MOW are 2 of the biggest losers that may actually deserve each other.
Phew vent over...
First off big hugs ((())
That kind of anger is tough. BTDT.
Second, what is he doing to fix his shit?
If he's sulking about her, I'd kick him to the curb. If he is feeling poor, poor me, well I'd put my bitch boots up his ass! He had his turn of selfishness, it's over, period.
Always, tell the other BS! Always!
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!
He calls me throughout the day, he comes home at a decent time, um not much a
else at the moment. He will claim he is doing everything he can
If he's sulking about her, I'd kick him to the curb.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I even asked him yesterday if he was thinking about whore. He told me that not everything has to revolve around the A
Thank god my girlfriends are taking me to see a play this Saturday. Should be nice. I may need to go back to weekly IC meetings or schedule MC.
So he isn't in IC, reading books, exploring what the hell made him do this?
Has NOT read 'How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair' and has read a few printouts including Joseph's Letter, but none seem to have an effect on him.
Now if I bring up ANYTHING about his A he immediately counters it with my A.
I'm toast if this continues. I can't and won't do it. he said he will do MC. Guess I should try that IDK. I am growing tired of him and I feel myself detaching more and more.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
He goes to MC to help "me" get better
If he is truly NPD, this is what will happen. There is no changing them. My mother is NPD, only took me 44yrs to figure it out. They don't change.
I hate to say this but if he is NPD it's not going to get any better.
The only time my STBX agreed to counseling after DDay was to get me to shut up about his EA and have a counselor tell me that he was just being a good friend to his AP. Obviously it didn't go that way so he no longer wanted to go. Now it's my fault that the 3 sessions didn't fix our problems because I brought up what I wanted to talk about (the affair) instead of our (and by that he means *my*) issues.
He agreed to family counseling at the urge of one of his family members who thinks he is nuts and needs an intervention. He agreed so that I could learn how to treat him better and made sure to emphasize to me that this is the only reason he would go.
He ultimately chose not to try family counseling. I guess he figures I am a lost cause and will never understand how wonderful of a person he is to me.
Narcs are absolutely impossible.
Do you know what your deal breakers are and have you thought about an exit plan?
Yes I have my dealbreakers in place and my exit plan should it come to that. I'm no longer fearing being a single parent, took me a second to get to that point.
MC with this guy is going to be a freaking nightmare.....you know that, right?
It was a nightmare the first time with him. I won't tolerate lying so he is going to have to come clean to MC.
WH admits to his A with MOW (not past ones though). He takes 100% blame, feels bad, knows he needs help, attempted help, willing to get more IC and MC.
I don't know if I am expecting too much. He has shown remorse, but not often.
what the hell made him do this?
Just wanted to give his answer for his why. He said that I neglected him years previous to A which caused his low self-esteem. We didn't have sex more often (we averaged 1-2x a week then).
Things were definitely emotionally cold between us. I can remember trying to connect with him and he would be distant and vice versa. Our M was not in a healthy place at all.
The MOW validated evrything he felt he needed to feel good about himself.
In IC he explored his FOO and how that played into his neediness for constant admiration from not just me but everyone. My WH always likes to feel important and needed.
I always thought that there was no such thing as a hopeless person. The more I learn about NPD the more I realize that I was naive. I cannot understand how a person can truly care about no one but themselves and be incapable of empathy and true remorse no matter what terrible deeds they do.
I know what you mean. It just gobsmacks me. I don't understand it.