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User Topic: Flippin' pissed at 15 months
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so angry today. I am angry that I am with such a fucktard of a man. Someone who so cruelly and brutally tortured me through broken NC's and additional DDays. I can honestly say that today I despise my WH. I don't feel any love for him at all today. I am raging pissed and am scared I'm going to take it out on him.

Memorial Day sucked because he was depressed and moping, wouldn't say a word to me and the kids all day. It just reminded me of his old A behavior and it triggered me. I let him know that it triggered me and he responded with his usual snarkiness of 'Can't a person just be depressed?'

I am not liking who he is at all right now. Between him not liking my new found independence and supportive friends (thank you 180) and his entitlement to being depressed, I am ready to blow a gasket

All I feel like doing at the moment is name calling and I know that's not right, but I truly feel my WH and MOW are 2 of the biggest losers that may actually deserve each other.

Phew vent over...


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CBS,

First off big hugs ((())

That kind of anger is tough. BTDT.

Second, what is he doing to fix his shit?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5077 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
fourever
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, man! Blow the gasket. Exactly how is he helping you?
Guess what, there are new rules now, and you make them. He lost that right when he made choices for you that you didn't know about.

If he's sulking about her, I'd kick him to the curb. If he is feeling poor, poor me, well I'd put my bitch boots up his ass! He had his turn of selfishness, it's over, period.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Second, what is he doing to fix his shit?

He calls me throughout the day, he comes home at a decent time, um not much a
else at the moment. He will claim he is doing everything he can


If he's sulking about her, I'd kick him to the curb.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I even asked him yesterday if he was thinking about whore. He told me that not everything has to revolve around the A

Thank god my girlfriends are taking me to see a play this Saturday. Should be nice. I may need to go back to weekly IC meetings or schedule MC.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CBS,

So he isn't in IC, reading books, exploring what the hell made him do this?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5077 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

None of it Tired girl, none of it. He did IC for 3 months until she told me he was a Narcissist so he felt like she was not being loyal to him.

Has NOT read 'How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair' and has read a few printouts including Joseph's Letter, but none seem to have an effect on him.

Now if I bring up ANYTHING about his A he immediately counters it with my A.

I'm toast if this continues. I can't and won't do it. he said he will do MC. Guess I should try that IDK. I am growing tired of him and I feel myself detaching more and more.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you know what your deal breakers are and have you thought about an exit plan?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5077 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC with this guy is going to be a freaking nightmare.....you know that, right?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8087 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
brokenandconfuse
♀ Member
Member # 39381
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is NPD also. He goes to MC to help "me" get better, because he is already changed. He hasn't done any of the reading or amends letter and told me that sex is a need and he felt that since I didn't give it to him enough or give him enough attention that he deserved the affair. The book Tears and Healing has helped me. There are a couple more by the same author that helped too. To me NPD is the ultimate selfish being and of course he feels that he is very giving. I feel for you. God bless you.


2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012

Getting Divorced


Posts: 101 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He goes to MC to help "me" get better


If he is truly NPD, this is what will happen. There is no changing them. My mother is NPD, only took me 44yrs to figure it out. They don't change.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5077 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always thought that there was no such thing as a hopeless person. The more I learn about NPD the more I realize that I was naive. I cannot understand how a person can truly care about no one but themselves and be incapable of empathy and true remorse no matter what terrible deeds they do. I can't imagine what kind of experience life is under that condition but now I'm understanding that people like this truly exist.

I hate to say this but if he is NPD it's not going to get any better.

The only time my STBX agreed to counseling after DDay was to get me to shut up about his EA and have a counselor tell me that he was just being a good friend to his AP. Obviously it didn't go that way so he no longer wanted to go. Now it's my fault that the 3 sessions didn't fix our problems because I brought up what I wanted to talk about (the affair) instead of our (and by that he means *my*) issues.

He agreed to family counseling at the urge of one of his family members who thinks he is nuts and needs an intervention. He agreed so that I could learn how to treat him better and made sure to emphasize to me that this is the only reason he would go.

He ultimately chose not to try family counseling. I guess he figures I am a lost cause and will never understand how wonderful of a person he is to me.

Narcs are absolutely impossible.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you know what your deal breakers are and have you thought about an exit plan?

Yes I have my dealbreakers in place and my exit plan should it come to that. I'm no longer fearing being a single parent, took me a second to get to that point.



BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC with this guy is going to be a freaking nightmare.....you know that, right?

It was a nightmare the first time with him. I won't tolerate lying so he is going to have to come clean to MC.

WH admits to his A with MOW (not past ones though). He takes 100% blame, feels bad, knows he needs help, attempted help, willing to get more IC and MC.

I don't know if I am expecting too much. He has shown remorse, but not often.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what the hell made him do this?

Just wanted to give his answer for his why. He said that I neglected him years previous to A which caused his low self-esteem. We didn't have sex more often (we averaged 1-2x a week then).

Things were definitely emotionally cold between us. I can remember trying to connect with him and he would be distant and vice versa. Our M was not in a healthy place at all.

The MOW validated evrything he felt he needed to feel good about himself.

In IC he explored his FOO and how that played into his neediness for constant admiration from not just me but everyone. My WH always likes to feel important and needed.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always thought that there was no such thing as a hopeless person. The more I learn about NPD the more I realize that I was naive. I cannot understand how a person can truly care about no one but themselves and be incapable of empathy and true remorse no matter what terrible deeds they do.

I know what you mean. It just gobsmacks me. I don't understand it.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 15

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