By the same token, I am a fairly live and let live kind of person. I am not about ultimatums. if she does not find a personal motivation to grow and work on her issues, I am not about to force her because it won't do any good. So my response is 180 -- to back away.
As I said, she is very confused (or is acting confused). I don't feel it's appropriate to just pile it on and tell her I'm backing off because I find her to be a mess after I've worked so hard to heal. She is a bigger mess than when we ended things, and I'm even more sensitive to it because I really have done a lot of healing work.
Suggestions about 180 with love and giving her some clarity? Am I making any sense?
[This message edited by LoveRising at 10:28 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)]
Think about the metaphor contained in its name. You are turning around 180. Stop making this about her. Reconnecting and opening comms did not show you what you had hoped for. Turn away.
Focus on you. If you feel the need to explain why you are backing away, make sure you explain it in terms of you. You need to focus on yourself and comms with her is not helping. So you will be in touch less and probably less responsive than in the past. That is something you are doing as part of attending to your needs.
Turn your back. It is hard. Do not look over your shoulder to see what is happening behind you. If she contacts you, remember silence (NC) will suffice.
Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.
You are done. Just tell her and move on. Nothing good can come of this.
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo