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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wow I think I have Detached!
pointmagnet
♂ Member
Member # 16565
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Finally!

Don't
Even
Think
About
C
alling/Contacting/Changing/Comforting
H
er

It has been a long time but I think I am there!


Me (BS): 53
Her (WW): 51
Married: A long time
Children: Three of them
D-Day: 10/07/07; 12/15/12
Status: Done

Posts: 474 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: USA
Got2GO
♀ Member
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I finally realized this within myself!
I like how you put it.
Thanks!


BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 111 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Shockleader
♂ Member
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fantastic!... Great feeling, ain't it?


D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 47
Xcheater 44
One DD 19
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...


Posts: 652 | Registered: Sep 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a loooooooong way to go. I just left the WW's place (couldn't be avoided; had to pick up the kids) and I am a wreck.

What does detachment feel like? How do you know? Maybe a simplistic question with an obvious answer, but I want to be there!


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1621 | Registered: Dec 2012
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It feels like you are dealing with a person you meet at the store. Zero emotional investment, No anger, no sorrow, nothing... No urge to contact, explain, defend, or convince.

I am indifferent.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2683 | Registered: Jan 2010
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cOnGrAtUlAtIoNs!!!! It's wonderful isn't it?


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Oct 2012
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's awesome. I'm still working on it... still too angry to say that I'm completely detached. *sigh*


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3606 | Registered: Oct 2011
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you! It's a good feeling.

It took me a long while to detach. Not so much with wanting to contact him or talk to him. I struggled more with having to hear about him moving on with OW. I got stuck for a little while in the anger and pain.

That sucked. I had a lot of shit thrown in my face - their vacations, him taking her to meet family, my kids meeting her and her brats, them moving in together. All of it. It was like a shit storm and I couldn't get out from under it. For a long time, I would get very anxious if I knew I had to see him. I also wanted to scratch my own eyes out every time I had to hear the slunt's name.

Those issues have gotten a lot better. Now, when I hear about them or I have to see him, it doesn't ruin my day. As far as I'm concerned, as long as my kids aren't being hurt, those two can both go eat a dick.

Maybe that should be the new, much less classy slogan for detachment - just eat a dick and go away!


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2810 | Registered: Jan 2011
KeepOnMovin
♂ Member
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

as long as my kids aren't being hurt, those two can both go eat a dick.

I love it!

Am i completely detached? No, but i'm making progress. Here's how i know:

STBX and DS11 walked to my house last night. Story is DS11 wanted to take a walk but his ankle hurt and he couldn't make it back, so she asked me to drive them back to her house.

I was working in my flower bed, and was more irriated i may not get the new flowers in before it got dark than i was about seeing her or wondering why she showed up at my house in the first place.

She and OM can both "go eat a dick" for all i care!


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 312 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like this post, PointMagnet. I've wondered it myself and think it's starting to come for me.

Some things I feel now are this huge disgust at Perv's lifestyle choice, for he is thought of as a jigelow on "my side of the family" now and I am finally feeling like it was his own fault.

And yes, I feel interrupted when he shows up for his daddy daughter visits-not by DD but him, or if my messages beep and his name is there, I have a feeling of "what now?"

For Abondad, it takes a long, long time. It took me enough hurt and being hurt enough times to form scars and now I won't let them be peeled back by him. I'm on a year to a year and a half that he's gone, but just 4 months from DDay, as he managed to hide it that long. I mention that to give an idea for how long it takes and yes, I do have set backs.

I find if anything reminds me of him, or I see his belongings or pictures, I'm "done in", so to speak and have a set back. If I have to see or hear his voice I can't tolerate that, either.

I don't know if those things help, but I find that we who are left behind in the old life have more trouble moving forward because things are not new or neutral. And you're having to go to WW's place I don't think helps to detatch, for wonder of her or what will happen there?

One thing that works here is to have him do all the transportation-he f'd up, right?-and he leaves DD in the basement, which sounds awful, but is okay. She just comes up and greets me and I don't have to see him. All I hear is his car or truck, but I blare the tv/radio so I don't.

I think the more anyone can do to avoid contact, it's truly better and sooner.

As to how it feels, it reminds me of a stranger almost, or someone in school who was a bully, who I just have to get away from.

I think there is a fog we go through as BSs with regard to detatchment?


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 11

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