I like this post, PointMagnet. I've wondered it myself and think it's starting to come for me.
Some things I feel now are this huge disgust at Perv's lifestyle choice, for he is thought of as a jigelow on "my side of the family" now and I am finally feeling like it was his own fault.
And yes, I feel interrupted when he shows up for his daddy daughter visits-not by DD but him, or if my messages beep and his name is there, I have a feeling of "what now?"
For Abondad, it takes a long, long time. It took me enough hurt and being hurt enough times to form scars and now I won't let them be peeled back by him. I'm on a year to a year and a half that he's gone, but just 4 months from DDay, as he managed to hide it that long. I mention that to give an idea for how long it takes and yes, I do have set backs.
I find if anything reminds me of him, or I see his belongings or pictures, I'm "done in", so to speak and have a set back. If I have to see or hear his voice I can't tolerate that, either.
I don't know if those things help, but I find that we who are left behind in the old life have more trouble moving forward because things are not new or neutral. And you're having to go to WW's place I don't think helps to detatch, for wonder of her or what will happen there?
One thing that works here is to have him do all the transportation-he f'd up, right?-and he leaves DD in the basement, which sounds awful, but is okay. She just comes up and greets me and I don't have to see him. All I hear is his car or truck, but I blare the tv/radio so I don't.
I think the more anyone can do to avoid contact, it's truly better and sooner.
As to how it feels, it reminds me of a stranger almost, or someone in school who was a bully, who I just have to get away from.
I think there is a fog we go through as BSs with regard to detatchment?Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess