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User Topic: I need help this post will be deleted
notsosureanymore
♂ Member
Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

got proof of my wife's latest cyber infidelity. I want to contact his wife somehow and expose it to her also. I want to approach my wife and tell her I what I herd just so she knows I know... I have my chance at my sons school continuation ceremony tomorrow. I want to say it when the kids are not around. But out in the open with other parents there. I cold call her but I think it would be better in person. It will make her very angry but maybe it would help with the fog she is in. What should I do. would you do it? She may be snooping on me but I doubt it anyway i will delete this post either way.

[This message edited by notsosureanymore at 1:18 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's against the guidelines to delete posts. If you are afraid of your WW finding your posts, you need to take that into consideration when posting on SI. It is only as anonymous as you make it.

Good luck.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6097 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
notsosureanymore
♂ Member
Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wont be able to get in her account once the password changes, not that I need to see any more anyway.

Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
notsosureanymore
♂ Member
Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok

Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's my opinion....

Don't cause drama at your child's school function.

Let divorce papers do the *talking* for you.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7695 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
notsosureanymore
♂ Member
Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok
in a no fault state it won't matter but i still want to expose her.

Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree about not causing drama at the school. That's bad form.

Talk to people in private. Let the process server shock her into reality by handing her divorce papers. Maybe have her served at work, that would expose her well enough. Leave the kids out of it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9283 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
joeboo
♂ Member
Member # 31089
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...but i still want to expose her.
Revenge or hurting her will not make you feel any better and chances are it will only make you feel worse. Its a crazy phenomena but destruction of another does not cure ones self. Take the high road and spend that effort on repairing you, not destroying her. It is a form of jealousy and it is poison that you need to let go.

Ditto on the idea of leaving your kids and anything to do with them out of this. Something like what you propose could turn ugly and then it hurts the kids.

I wish you peace as you work through this.


Posts: 1208 | Registered: Feb 2011
notsosureanymore
♂ Member
Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK no drama at school. talk in private. You know I don't think could forgive her for this anyway, If only i had total remorse and we put the work in right this time. If she would only give us a chance. That is how bad i want to keep my marriage. am i a fool? She is gone for a week today and every day we have gotten worse. I mean we just were intimate the day before i checked her phone. It makes me feel bad now it was like she was having sex with him and not me. thank you for saying
destruction of another does not cure ones self

Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not at school. Please don't do this at your kid's school. Think. There are better options.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3686 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, this is where I told the H of OW. I never could find him anywhere else. It was at our child's sporting event and I knew he was going to be out of town for 2 months working. While OW went to restroom, I walked up to him and started talking to him. He didn't believe me at first, but then OW saw me talking to him, ran across the parking lot and pushed me away. He THEN knew something was up. However, I didn't have any physical proof at the time, and I didn't get to tell him everything, so she talked her way out of it.

If you do not talk to her tonight, you have to act very cool and do not tell her "I have something I want to tell you". Act very cool.

Can you get screen shots of wife's phone?

Once you have physical proof, you absolutely need to talk to her-like today or tomorrow while your ww is gone as most everyone will advise on this site. I think in person is best, but I kept waiting for the "right"time to meet he H again and I chickened out.

Some people on this site just go to the spouses work near closing time and wait for them in the parking lot. Please make sure you have SOME type of proof, but if you don't, don't let that stop you. You are planting a seed, and the seed will grow because she will be more aware and will start looking at his cell phone when he's in the shower, etc. You can tell her about VAR.

This might also wake up your ww, you know.

I was afraid if I told her H then he would kick her out. Now I realize if I would have told her H, he would have been able to get thru to her and she would have stopped the A. Instead, she just got D and my WH and I are D and the kids are all over the place with her. YUCK. H of OW still thinks my H is his friend, he still works out of state, she convinced him I was a total nut -- especially when I settled out of court and so A is not listed on D.

You definately want to tell the W of the OM. DEFINATELY. It is the right thing to do. You might save their marriage, especially if she drags him to counseling.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1967 | Registered: Jan 2012
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 6:12 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Notsosureanymore,

Deleting posts is against the guidelines. Doing so will result in your losing your posting privileges.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36620 | Registered: Sep 2007
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It will make her very angry but maybe it would help with the fog she is in.

If you want to do it to help the fog she is in and want to keep the marriage, then I would only consider it if she doesn't get angry. Because if she gets angry simply because you caught her when she is the one the did wrong, she isn't worth keeping.


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's very important for the other BS to know--but would not do it at my child's function unless there were no other alternative.

Since you are in the same circle, at least school-wise, you have the ability to locate and tell the other BS.

Remember, he's also a victim. He did not do anything to you. He needs to know the truth of his life, but is not the one who needs punishing---just as the kids do not.

So tell him. Privately. I chose to do it by registered mail, sent to workplace (so it couldn't be intercepted), with evidence included.

Then, if you want the whole world to know, by all means tell people. It's not your secret to keep.

But do keep it out of the kids' space.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8325 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you want to make her super amazingly rage-scream ladyhulkout angry, you could preemptively change the password yourself.

Telling the other BS at that function also has the downside of tainting that memory for her whether or not drama happens. IMO wait until afterward at the very least.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7363 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
notsosureanymore
♂ Member
Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she came in late of course and sat next to me near the top of the bleachers, just inside the doors. As she began to unlock her phone I told her "hey when I had your phone I heard the voice messages you had made to each other then I made my voice like a Cuban and said "That was fun I liked it bery much." said the very with a B and she got it. she sunk back then became defensive and said "I was just going to take a pictures we don't have to talk about now." And surprisingly enough she stayed put and even went to the cafeteria and took pictures after it was over with my son and I. She left afterward out the back of the school so I was in front so I said outside and after we were mostly alone "I want to work on our problems ok", she said she is going to be at the elementary school this evening and walked away.

Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let divorce papers do the *talking* for you.

I saw when you joined SI and your D-Day. I rarely tell people to file for D, but...you have endured this for too long. IMHO, she is not changing. You deserve better.

"I want to work on our problems ok", she said she is going to be at the elementary school this evening and walked away.

Doesn't sound like she echos your sentiments.

Close the bakery. Lean on us as you go through this, but the hurt will not begin to stop until you close it.

Does it really matter that she sees your posts? Or that you "make" her angry?

Are you in IC? If not, please find one...you need to get your self esteem back. You deserve that too.

I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you.

Hugs,

Lala


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 26
5yo GS & 18 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/14(DD30) and 2yo GD(DD26). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 4957 | Registered: May 2007
Topic Posts: 17

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