Marriage builders, Milton, all that stuff is great, but that wont fix YOU. The marriage wasn't the problem. You and your choices were.
Though I agree with you when you state that his choices were the problem..... I don't believe your statement about marital recovery programs is accurate.
The program My wife and I work, "Marriage Builders", DOES force me to work on me and my issues. In great depth, I might add.
Meph, One of the tools my wife and I implemented was to arrange an allotted time each day, for 15-50 minutes, to discuss anything affair related or triggering her.
After that allotted time we stopped those painful conversations and either cuddled, did something fun, went on a walk while holding hands or anything that would help alleviate the pain!
This time period gradually changed to three times a week, and then we changed it to one time a week.
We still have scheduled time but rarely need it now.
It helped prevent the top blowing and gave us time, scheduled time, to be open and transparent about her questions and our feelings. It also taught us to wait for that time before making comments that could cause pain.
It worked for us.
It may be a possible plan for you???
IMO, No Plan for success = no success. WH (me)
D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007
"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!
Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin