...when you marry someone you have made the vow to only be for one another...to commit in the most sacred and permanent of ways. My WH didnt think that mattered. So I am feeling like the vows of marriage arent important to him.
...the fact that he is just now thinking that we are going to be ok means that he was wondering if we were.
I don't know your situation, or you, and I certainly don't think I can 'tell you' anything about your situation. I just want to ask a question.
Based on the above quotes from your post - gently - is it possible that in your pain, you are 'looking' for things to worry about? I guess 'looking' is the wrong way to say it. Is it possible that you are taking the things he says and assigning meaning to them that may or may not be the actual meaning for him?
Just my humble opinion, but of course he trys to play down the damage of his cheating. Maybe you are right and he doesn't think it is that serious, but also, it could be that he may feel very badly about it and want to play it down for that reason.
And I don't think that his feeling about cheating even though you aren't married being the same as if you were married is NECESSARILY an indicator that his marriage vows aren't important to him.
I think it is possible that your logic in coming to these conclusions might POSSIBLY be faulty because of your pain. Trust me, I have done this way too much. Maybe that is why I felt the need to point out the possibility.
I think an email is a lovely idea. I would, if I might make a suggestion, read it after you write it, and be sure that the purpose in writing it is to share feelings, and help the two of you heal - not to attack him. (Not that he doesn't need to be attacked for what he has done!) But think about what is the purpose - the REAL purpose of the email. To help him understand what you are going through so you can heal? Or just as another chance to let him know how awful he has been. I say this because I have written emails like this, and they - obviously - didn't get the desired result.
Anyway, I wish you luck. Your feelings and worries are so understandable.
I pray everything works out for you.
HUGS "Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy