(((letitout))) I am so sorry that is so awful. Is your WH working? He needs to get a part time job on the side to pay off his debt and build your savings back up.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
He killed himself last year when he had pretty much gone through his half of the cash on hand and knew if I found him taking any more that I would put him in jail.
So I have all of it now and I am glad that something stopped the bleeding, although I don't approve of his choice.
He was busy spending loads of money on himself though! Since his EA began he put himself in about $25,000 worth of debt. I wonder if the single life has been everything he dreamed of? No sex, no money, no love! A dream come true!!!
Apparently she was absent the day they discussed financial arrangements at whore school.
Xpos had a separate bank account, so I really have no idea of a total, but know it ran into thousands.
We had a joint credit card that I didn't use, but found some old bills after he left. He spent hundreds at a time to PayPal, likely for the porn dating sites he frequented to find his sluts displayed in all their glory. Then there were airline tickets, rooms, meals, sex toy shops, viagra, a resort weekend, etc. Plus, he was spending $40 to $50 every 3 or 4 days on minutes for his tracphone to talk with them according to the financial paperwork he submitted to the court.
But as others have said, he saved by not using condoms!
Since I'm now sure that he was doing it much longer than he has admitted, who knows?? Those items only include the ones I know about and he has admitted to.
He killed himself last year when he had pretty much gone through his half of the cash on hand
I have NO clue how much WH spent, he claims barely nothing, they didn't usually go anywhere except her car. But we were living with my parents for the first 6 months of his A and yet we never had any money. So I would guess he spend at least 500-1000 a month. But again I could be way off either way.
Mine was also kind enough to save money by not using condoms as well! They're so thoughtful, aren't they?
This is so sad. I know of another man that did this as a result of his guilt. Impossibly hard to deal with.
SAfWH spent thousands. I estimate an average of $600 a month for 10 years or so. What I had proof of was statements showing $3000 for each of 3 months. I don't think even he knows how much. Fortunately, it didn't bankrupt us, I make as much as he does and I kept a close eye. But, I and my kids, lived within a budget, he didn't, nor did his whores. Still burns.
I take it all. Be very clear, that is not why I stayed. But, the cost after finding out about what he was doing was much more devastating & crushing than the money he spent on her little high school tokens and hotels.
Always, tell the other BS! Always!
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!
Until it became a big trigger, I did find at least one account that got shut down by it's creditor because he charged and charged and couldn't pay...and it was a time in the year when I got nothing like the store sells from him.
The money for fuel, food, expenses alone for his double life have got to be staggering and he is now complaining of lack of money.
While I fear for us who depend on that money, I do not have any feeling except the word "Stupid" or swears. He also bought a vehicle while unemployed that goes back and forth that he did not have to, so there is no pity there.
When I mentioned a credit card or two that came in the mail he suddenly announced that he was changing his mail.
STBXH has not been employed for a long time and I've wondered how it's tolerated in Never Land? And I wonder how the tolerance is for the promises of big money to come...but it's not getting there.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
When I see him around drop off and pick up of our DD, I feel so bad. He seems so normal. I can't help but feel rejected by him. Why doesn't he want me? and then I think about the money and remember that there is something wrong with him.
I foolishly left the finances for him to deal with. Had I ever checked his credit card statements, I would have discovered this years ago. It's all there.
He had me cash in my retirement savings, as did he, to pay for debts which had accumulated over the years. Now we have no savings, credit cards are maxed and we have personal loans from lots of friends and family that I was never aware of.
I offered, before dday, to sell my jewellery to help with these expenses that I didn't understand and he let me do it.
He even owed MOW money, which she tried to come after using a friend as mediator. She sent WH a letter telling him that "not paying this loan was not an option" and "under no conditions was (I) FB to contact her as (she) didn't want any more drama"
WH wanted to pay the debt ($3k) because it was loaned "in good faith" and he wanted to "honour" that.
I called the friend, listed the costs of the A, divided it in half, and told her that I will consider that she owes me 3k less than 80k. MOW texted me that she understood and that the matter was closed.