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User Topic: How much money did your WS spend?
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not much. He never bought it anything. OW paid for the majority of the hotel rooms, sometimes FWH pitched in.

(((letitout))) I am so sorry that is so awful. Is your WH working? He needs to get a part time job on the side to pay off his debt and build your savings back up.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9650 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
doggiemom12
Member
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine spent well in excess of $200,000 on 4 women in just the last year alone. Trips, gifts, hotels, jewelry. We have alot but he sure spent alot of it.

He killed himself last year when he had pretty much gone through his half of the cash on hand and knew if I found him taking any more that I would put him in jail.

So I have all of it now and I am glad that something stopped the bleeding, although I don't approve of his choice.


White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBX is no Don Juan. The occasional Applebees, pizza or diner meal was about as good as it got for her. He bought me a few random guilt-gifts (no big ticket items just things to show me how much he cares. Pfft!) She pretty much split as soon as STBX and I physically separated just a couple of weeks into their full-blown affair.

He was busy spending loads of money on himself though! Since his EA began he put himself in about $25,000 worth of debt. I wonder if the single life has been everything he dreamed of? No sex, no money, no love! A dream come true!!!


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
anewhaven
♀ Member
Member # 34246
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't know how lucky you are. My WH had an OC, so his affair has cost him hundreds of thousands.

Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: USA
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing. OW paid for absolutely everything.

Apparently she was absent the day they discussed financial arrangements at whore school.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1081 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you all, dealing with the WS's fallout from their cheating, financial and emotional.

Xpos had a separate bank account, so I really have no idea of a total, but know it ran into thousands.

We had a joint credit card that I didn't use, but found some old bills after he left. He spent hundreds at a time to PayPal, likely for the porn dating sites he frequented to find his sluts displayed in all their glory. Then there were airline tickets, rooms, meals, sex toy shops, viagra, a resort weekend, etc. Plus, he was spending $40 to $50 every 3 or 4 days on minutes for his tracphone to talk with them according to the financial paperwork he submitted to the court.
But as others have said, he saved by not using condoms!

Since I'm now sure that he was doing it much longer than he has admitted, who knows?? Those items only include the ones I know about and he has admitted to.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2329 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He killed himself last year when he had pretty much gone through his half of the cash on hand


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9650 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Ladyogilvy
♀ Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no idea what WH did or spent his money on before he sobered up. I didn't even know about him frequenting bars until last night. The way I caught him was a $2,000 unexplained charge on a bank account without my name on it. I knew about the account and the statements came to the house but I didn't pay attention to it because it was only opened to get a line of credit for the business. I don't know what made me look at the statement that month. He was always asking me where all the money went. Now, I have to wonder, where did it go? I know we have been able to pay our bills on time since WH sobered up.


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1512 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
scangel3
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you have to have that hanging over you for 3 years, what a great reminder to have. (said very sarcasticly)

I have NO clue how much WH spent, he claims barely nothing, they didn't usually go anywhere except her car. But we were living with my parents for the first 6 months of his A and yet we never had any money. So I would guess he spend at least 500-1000 a month. But again I could be way off either way.


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
WarehouseGuy
♂ Member
Member # 6037
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I know of about $5-6K. I'm sure there is more --but it doesn't matter anymore.

whg


If you see your ex with someone else--don't be jealous. Our parents taught us to give our old,used toys to the less fortunate.

Posts: 5296 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: Michigan
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He spent several hundred that I was aware of-- I have no idea what he spent in cash or if he had a secret credit card. He also likely spent a lot of money on gas since they'd meet to screw at the midway point between our two towns (about an hour's drive one way). It could have been a lot more, but once I knew I wanted a D, I stopped digging. He didn't wipe out any accounts or put us into debt, so I just did what I could to get the heck out of there with as decent a financial settlement as I could get (before he started wiping the bank accounts out).

Mine was also kind enough to save money by not using condoms as well! They're so thoughtful, aren't they?


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3604 | Registered: Oct 2011
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((doggiemom)))))))))

This is so sad. I know of another man that did this as a result of his guilt. Impossibly hard to deal with.

SAfWH spent thousands. I estimate an average of $600 a month for 10 years or so. What I had proof of was statements showing $3000 for each of 3 months. I don't think even he knows how much. Fortunately, it didn't bankrupt us, I make as much as he does and I kept a close eye. But, I and my kids, lived within a budget, he didn't, nor did his whores. Still burns.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
fourever
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not nearly the amount he has spent since I found out.
Italy trip
New House
3 new cars
IC - Me
IC - Him
MC - Us
Gifts

I take it all. Be very clear, that is not why I stayed. But, the cost after finding out about what he was doing was much more devastating & crushing than the money he spent on her little high school tokens and hotels.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 874 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have accurate accounting either, but it's a lot, lot, lot!

Until it became a big trigger, I did find at least one account that got shut down by it's creditor because he charged and charged and couldn't pay...and it was a time in the year when I got nothing like the store sells from him.

The money for fuel, food, expenses alone for his double life have got to be staggering and he is now complaining of lack of money.

While I fear for us who depend on that money, I do not have any feeling except the word "Stupid" or swears. He also bought a vehicle while unemployed that goes back and forth that he did not have to, so there is no pity there.

When I mentioned a credit card or two that came in the mail he suddenly announced that he was changing his mail.

STBXH has not been employed for a long time and I've wondered how it's tolerated in Never Land? And I wonder how the tolerance is for the promises of big money to come...but it's not getting there.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
1devastedmom
♀ Member
Member # 38399
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't even want to think about how much money he spent on prostitutes over the last nine years. I think of all the times I wore holy underwear or the kids went without but he still had money to pay skanky whores for sex. He claims that he never spent more than $100 on his whores like that makes it better because they were cheap whores I guess I should just be thankfulthat I didn't get a disease.


Me BS: 42
WH: 44
DDay- April 17, 2013
Married 22 years
3 children: 18, 15 & 9
Reconcilling

Posts: 138 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: 1devastedmom
MystiKay
♀ Member
Member # 36401
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know of one time he sent something to her address. He asked me if he could send her daughter a birthday gift. Sense she used her as a way to get back into contact with him. It wasn't much, but now I am not sure if it was for the daughter or actually for 0W2. Not sure about OW1. He was going to take her out for a movie but she turned him down. I think at least.

Posts: 282 | Registered: Aug 2012
abigailadams
♀ Member
Member # 37556
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My stbx since last October has borrowed 70k and taken 20k out of his retirement THAT I KNOW OF. There could me be more.

When I see him around drop off and pick up of our DD, I feel so bad. He seems so normal. I can't help but feel rejected by him. Why doesn't he want me? and then I think about the money and remember that there is something wrong with him.


Me BS 54
Him WS 51
Married 10 years together 13
DDay October 11, 2012

Posts: 134 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Brooklyn, NY
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Over 15 years I calculate over $100 K on hotels, $60K on dinners and over $30 K on booze that they drank at the office. This does not include gifts (there weren't many, but he bought her jewellery) and a few weekends away that she apparently paid for.

I foolishly left the finances for him to deal with. Had I ever checked his credit card statements, I would have discovered this years ago. It's all there.

He had me cash in my retirement savings, as did he, to pay for debts which had accumulated over the years. Now we have no savings, credit cards are maxed and we have personal loans from lots of friends and family that I was never aware of.

I offered, before dday, to sell my jewellery to help with these expenses that I didn't understand and he let me do it.

He even owed MOW money, which she tried to come after using a friend as mediator. She sent WH a letter telling him that "not paying this loan was not an option" and "under no conditions was (I) FB to contact her as (she) didn't want any more drama"

WH wanted to pay the debt ($3k) because it was loaned "in good faith" and he wanted to "honour" that.

I called the friend, listed the costs of the A, divided it in half, and told her that I will consider that she owes me 3k less than 80k. MOW texted me that she understood and that the matter was closed.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 762 | Registered: Feb 2012
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how that happy face got there at the end of my post. I am not laughing.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 762 | Registered: Feb 2012
mainlyinpain
♀ Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I once estimated that his first five year ....I don't know what to call it and I just started crying thinking that "affair" is too glamorous, too pretty of a word for it...his first decision to torture and tear apart my insides...cost about $100,000...
He controls most of our finances (he is an accountant) and I never knew a thing about what he was doing financially. Whenever I would ask, he would do the "you don't ever have to worry your pretty head" thing that I lovingly believed.


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 489 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 54
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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