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User Topic: Physical effects of A on kids
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Question  Posted: 1:00 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just reading one other thread about an OW's older son having potty issues at 14 and another poster mentioned their son having issues got me to thinking...

My son is 6 and about to turn 7. He was potty trained before the DDay, since DDay he has had more 'poopy' accidents than I can count, including having to leave work to pick him up from school.

I guess I need to take him to a doctor to see if it is a condition. Since this started after DDay could it be an effect from the tension after DDay? Things have been great lately, no fighting, but he still has accidents. Ugh.

Does anyone deal with potty accidents or other behavioral issues after DDay?


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
keeponkeepingon
♀ Member
Member # 32935
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, yes, YES!!!!

I have discussed this with my IC. DS is 9. She first said to take him to the doctor to rule out anything physical. I would recommend you do that too. His doc did come back with possible physical issues, constipation. We have some recommendations on helping that.

I still don't know exactly what the issue is. I am still not convinced that it is the constipation but it seems to be getting a bit better. I think DS has an issue with going poo at school.

We are taking DS back to counseling next week and I want to address it with him there as well.


"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: On the corner of Grey St at the end of the world
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I very strongly suspect that your son's "condition" is, in fact, a response to the stress and anxiety he senses.

Kids don't always have words---and their bodies do the talking.

When my son was in his early teens, he had PROFOUND physical effects. They actually began before d-day; he was aware of what was going on before I was, poor kid.

He developed serious, unremitting vomiting, then migraines. I mean, brain-scan, stomach-biopsy illness. It persisted over the course of two school years. Then d-day hit---and it all became clear: it was DEPRESSION.

The MINUTE I said to him, "P, I think this is depression," it was like a weight was lifted from him. The headaches and vomiting remitted immediately.

Unfortunately, they were replaced with crushing symptoms more typical of depression---and it was VERY scary.

It was very rocky time, but with appropriate care, has improved dramatically. Now I have my "old" boy back.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our kid showed physical signs of stress (skin issues). Very much so. And he wasn't old enough to be told or understand (toddler) and I think WH and I did a great job of keeping the issue between us. It was very important to me, even when I was not feeling it, to be affectionate, etc. with WH because that was our "normal."

But i know my child saw me crying. I know he sensed the tension. He's very emotionally intuitive and sensitive (his sibling is not as much and he had no signs of stress). When we went to see the doctor for his symptoms, she said..."did he experience stress in october or november of last year?" Um, yea - D-Day was late September.

It broke my heart. he's better now, though.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During my childhood there was a lot of tumult in my family. Infidelity was in there, but there were other things, and I had accidents up until my middle school years. It was definitely stress-related and anxiety-related. I'm sorry, it must be very hard on your son. He might still be nervous that even if things are going OK at home and have been for a while, that it could change at any minute. He just might be afraid of that and feel lost. Just keep being an awesome mommy, a consistent and safe person in his life, and gently encourage him if he needs to talk about it with you... it might take a long while for the accidents to stop, but he will feel better knowing he is safe.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your replies. It's so sad that they have to experience effects too

I will take him to the doctor and see if there is anything else I can do. Thank you!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 6

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