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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Not sure what to think, kinda long
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've been in R for over 5 years now, and things have been going really well for a long time. H has always been fully involved in R, never gave me reason to doubt that he was trying or wanted to be here and fix things. The last year has been really great actually.

About 2 years ago he gets a tablet for work. It's a work owned device, no biggie. I figured out how to check the history of sites he's visiting and all was good and legit. About a year ago, we bought an identical tablet and returned the work owned one to the company. Still, all looks good on the history and the tablet is clean. I checked the tablet every so often for pics and they were all legit.

In February, we got new cell phones. We now have detailed phone billing (which I am appreciating at this moment) and I can see when messages and calls are made and whom they are made to. So far, the phone looks clean as well.

About a week and a half ago, I checked out the tablet and there was a random picture on there of a guy standing in front of a Christmas tree at what looked like a hotel lobby. Odd. It was a perfectly clean photo, nothing dirty in it. It's just so odd and out of place. I can tell it was added to the tablet on May 7th, so not long ago, but I can't tell HOW it got there, i.e. email attachment, photo he took with tablet, etc.

For background, H also was emailing men when he was cheating and getting pics from them and planning hook ups, they just never actually hooked up.

So I ask him about it, he doesn't know where it came from and swears up and down this is the truth. He also offers that maybe it was attached to an email he opened or spam or something.

I told him to watch it.

Fast forward to the day before yesterday. We are in the car alone, and I pick up his phone while he's pumping gas. I go through the photos. I see 2 pictures of 1 woman, and 1 picture of another woman, in his phone. Unfortunately I can't tell when they were put there like with the tablet. I confront him right away, he's shaking, says he has no idea where they came from, he's being faithful, he's not seeking attention from anyone, has no idea. Again, these photos were totally innocent, they looked like photos that would be on your badge for work ID, or on your profile pick for LinkedIn.

Anyway, he broke down that night when we had some more time to talk. He was sobbing and crying and telling me how much he wanted to be married and be with me, and he was being faithful, etc. The way he was talking, it almost sounded like a confession without confessing to anything at all. I know it's very probable that he was apologizing for the fact that I can't trust him now because of what he did in the past, so that sounds plausible to me when he says that's what it is. But what's the deal with these pictures?

Is it possible to have pics from someone's email program just added to your tablet or phone? I used to use Outlook Express at work and it had our pictures in the email, but I'm not sure if it would stick that pic on a phone or tablet automatically. I just don't know enough about these devices to know if I should really be worried or not.

Nothing else in his behavior has me worried. He's not unaccounted for his time (however, he wasn't when he cheated last time either), no unusual phone calls or anything.

I just don't know what to do with it. If it's infidelity, we're over. That's it. If it's just a pic from an email that inserts itself when you open it, then I can't fault him for that.

If it helps, he has a Droid Razr M phone, and a Samsung Galaxy tablet.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
Wonderingwhy11
♀ Member
Member # 34782
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not very technical but I am not sure it is that easy to accidental save a picture from an email or text or claim not to know where the picture came from.

What is troubling is his response to your questions. When I suspected an A WH would deny it but sometimes he was say things that were odd. After I found out the truth I realized he was starting to crack under the pressure of my questions and going through his things. Go with your instincts. I would keep checking. IMHO at some point I would get tired of continuously checking for the truth and looking for signs of another A.


Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15

Gotta love the life that we livin'


Posts: 376 | Registered: Feb 2012
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Shocked  Posted: 1:16 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi. I would post your question ( Is it possible to have pics from someone's email program just added to your tablet or phone? ) with whatever necessary details on ask.com or answer.com. I've had success getting answers there to all kinds of stuff.

Sorry for this continuing worry. I've had weird things added without my taking action to my phone like links within my phone contact list to billy joel, beyonce. Weird. No pics though on either ipad or DROID 3. Hope u get d efinitive answer


Me BS 49,Him: narcissist! Truly. 4.5yr LTA. DDays 4/2013, true Jekyll Hyde. Working through my anger at myself for making entirely too many compromises, and so so many excuses for him. Upset at my blindness.

Posts: 523 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the suggestions. I am definitely going to keep my antenna up on this one, I'm hoping that it's just a weird thing the phone does. Of course I'm hoping for the best right? Ugh.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had a few Droid phones over the years. I have never had one that automatically downloaded and saved attachments. That would be very dangerous with viruses.

If he uses Picasa which is googles photo app. I have had pictures that were on my computer automatically grabbed by picasa and synced to my phone. But I had to download them to my computer first.

Where on the phone were the pictures? What was the name of the file?


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better. Reconciled from the A's but still working hard for a better tomorrow.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2415 | Registered: Aug 2012
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes...

Its called Bump Transfering, though I dont know how it really works, i am pretty sure both parties have to be there to bump the transfer.

Here is the review on the RAZR and it's bump capability.

http://gadgetwise.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/03/the-razr-m-is-a-sharp-droid-phone/

There is also an app that will allow 'bumping'

it doesnt explain why the pictures are there, only that they are there by no means of traditional email or text.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
~Some days are better then others~

Posts: 1609 | Registered: Sep 2012
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for that info! The photos in question were all in the same file, which was a separate file from the photos he's taken with his phone. So these 3 photos in question were in one folder.

The bump thing sounds creepy, almost like catching a bug if you get too close to someone.... you can grab a file from their phone if you get too close? I don't know, I don't get it.

He calls in to dispatch to close out his jobs, and he also receives emails from dispatch with new jobs and updates in it. I don't know if they use Outlook Express or some other email program where they have their pics included. Like I said, I used to have that at my work and everyone had their pic on there, required by the company. The pics looked like they could have been those types of pics, and he wouldn't recognize these people since they work in a call center out of state.

I'm just really at a loss for where these pics came from. I can't pinpoint anything on the phone bill that helps either. When I saw that the pic on his tablet was placed there on May 7th, I scoured the phone bill, but still couldn't find anything that matched that date that I could pin down. GRRR!


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you know the folder name that the pics were in?


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better. Reconciled from the A's but still working hard for a better tomorrow.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2415 | Registered: Aug 2012
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a pretty technical guy and I have a hard time believing that these three pics alone were segregated in a folder all on their own. Unless that folder is called "download" or something then I ain't buying it.

Sorry, just my two cents.


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 305 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have 2 weird folders on my phone that I don't know where they came from. "Posts" and "instant upload". They only contain photos I have knowingly taken or downloaded but I don't know why they are segregated from my other pics.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better. Reconciled from the A's but still working hard for a better tomorrow.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2415 | Registered: Aug 2012
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately I already deleted the pics in a rage and the folder along with it. I'm not familiar at all with that phone, but from what I could tell it didn't have a title.

I DO know that I had also sent him a pic in a text once and that showed up in the same folder that these other pics were. Kinda sounds like maybe they were pics that were sent then? I just want to barf! STUPID TECHNOLOGY THAT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT!!!!!!


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During my As I used my phone to email my APs. I was careful (not careful enough because that's how I got caught--but I'm glad I did) to cover my tracks, but one day I was horrified to find a folder with photos that had been attachments to Yahoo emails. Headshots of cheaters from AM. I had not saved the photos, but had viewed the attachments on my phone. So now on my phone (Android, Samsung Galaxy) if you go to Gallery, there are folders with random names like 899600, 918900 which contain images that were email attachments. If I click the folder, then click the image, it displays a date/time stamp on the photo. It's when the photo was taken, not when it was saved to the phone--because my phone is new too, and I see some of these attachments date back to 2010. Maybe that will help you in your investigation.

I won't speculate about your WH's guilt or innocence. But I used "totally innocent" pictures of myself on AM, because that's what I tend to have.

ETA: I just read your signature and I am so sorry you're going through this, three years after you completely forgave him.

[This message edited by 20WrongsVs1 at 1:26 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]


^^Everything I write, IMHO & YMMV.^^
fWW: 42, amazing H and two elementary-age kids.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing & rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.

Posts: 763 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The bump thing sounds creepy, almost like catching a bug if you get too close to someone.... you can grab a file from their phone if you get too close? I don't know, I don't get it.

No, i am pretty sure you have to knowingly bump the other person to transfer the file,


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
~Some days are better then others~

Posts: 1609 | Registered: Sep 2012
maxandsen
♀ Member
Member # 37173
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have whatsup app (used for messaging, doesn't show on phone bill) on my phone and if someone sends me a photo it will automatically save to my phone. Are the phone and tablet synced? You need to check for all apps that allow messaging. Wishing you the best.


Me: 40
FWH: 51
Married 12 years
DDay: Jan 2012
A: One year
S: 6 weeks before he pulled his head out
R: March 2012
On the bumpy road to happy

Posts: 60 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Currently the Middle East
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Check the apps that are installed, and if you see one of those pics again check the file details to see where it came from. I have not heard of pictures randomly appearing like that, but finding a bunch of pics like that in my wife's cache and download folder is how I found out about her affair 3 years ago.

eta:

It's possible he's doing something stupid like saving them from the browser by accident. If they looked like commercial stock photos that could be it.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 2:41 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7098 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some phones grab photos from LinkedIn or Facebook when they can match the person to your contacts list. Mine does this.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His tablet and phone are not linked. I do know that he gets LinkedIn emails a lot, but most often he doesn't open them. It wouldn't be out of the ordinary for him to open one here or there though. I have been randomly checking his tablet and phone to see if they are logged into, or have another email address listed, on them, and so far they are both clean. When I start typing all letters of the alphabet, and all numbers, the only address that auto populates is the one that I know about. So a secret email is looking pretty out for me right now. Also, he leaves his phone and tablet all over the place all the time, and has no problem with me picking either up and just going through them whenever, wherever I want.

When I found the pics, he didn't try grabbing the phone or telling me to do anything with it, he simply started saying he had no idea where they came from and he didn't really know what else to say. He did, later that night, offer to put a tracker on his phone so I could check that against his route and make sure he's where he's supposed to be. He's NEVER password protected his phone, tablet, computer, anything. He's really very open and has been for a very long time. This is why I'm having such a hard time with this right now.... he's not displaying ANY signs of wrongdoing, just these stupid innocent looking pics on his phone.

I have looked through his apps as well, and clicked on all the ones that I didn't know what they were and they had either never been used (came with the device), or were legit for work or games or whatnot. I check our data usage and there aren't any spikes or anything, no unknown numbers on the bill.

I'm just totally at a loss. I will keep looking, and next time I find a photo I guess I better take the phone and keep it til I talk to you guys and get it figured out. Ugh. Thank you all for your help!


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no idea about the technical stuff...but "way back when" before I knew anything about my ex, one of my first "hints" that something was wrong...was when I found gay porn photos on my computer. I found them accidentally, they were in some random folder on the computer.

I remember asking my ex about them, and he kept saying the same thing, "I have no idea where that came from!" and "I know! A guy from work sent me a dirty joke to our home email address. Those pics must have populated from a bug attached to that joke!".

Yeah, my ex is now openly gay.

Just be careful.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 40, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, separated 3 years, together 17
Alis volat propriis "She flies with her own wings"
separated 1/2011

Posts: 3590 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

***Update***

So I have been watching his phone. Nothing weird since then until last night. There were 3 more new folders on there with pictures in them. This time I was able to figure out how to get additional info on the pics. The pics were of famous people and looked like album covers, and one looked like a head shot of one of the famous people.

I found out these pics were placed on his phone on the 4th. I also found out he downloaded songs from these people on that day as well. So his phone is grabbing the picture that would show up on an Ipod and display on the screen of the artist playing, and putting it on his phone in the pictures folders. I'm fairly certain this is the same situation for the other pics as well.

I will keep monitoring, I just wanted to update since you all cared to spend time replying. :) Thank you for your help!


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was wondering what you found out, thanks for the update!
I think it sounds logical, I am not techie, but it seem possible.
Glad you can relax a bit, you guys have come so far!
Take care!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 459 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

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