SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Question for everyone... Why do we put such a big focus on DDay? Yeah that was the day we found out about the affair. But why make it such an important day in our life??? I am just going through affair season. I just past the 1 yr since the first time my FWW slept with her AP. That was kind of a hard day but I didn't let it get the best of me. I like to think I would want to celebrate DDay as a day I discovered my intuition was right for months and the day her lies were discovered. Yeah a crap load of horrible thing happened after. But I feel its all the same. The 1st time they were together, the lies, the destruction. I just don't feel like giving DDAY such a power in my life. I am coming up on it soon. Any opinions???

I don't know why, IGaveItMyAll. I am not even sure of my d-day. I know it was just after my DS's 14th birthday, but I don't know if it was the day after or the week after. Kind of lost track of time for awhile. Do know it was in March 2010.

I didn't want to make d-day an antiversary, as some call it here. I didn't want to acknowledge the day in anyway. And, I think I had one year when it passed and I didn't think of it at all. This year, I didn't think I was thinking of it. I started triggering like crazy and started obsessing about things that I thought I had already dealt with. Didn't know where this was coming from. Then I realized I was a couple of weeks from "d-day". Was this causing my anxiety?

Even if we don't consciously think of d-day, sometimes our sub conscious has other plans for us. Guess it is best to deal with it head on.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 8:01 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

That's the day the nuclear bomb went off in my life.

The article in the Healing Library about the tsunami really hit home for me.

I know that WH wants to think of it as "one little mistake in a long marriage", but

now I look at my life as "before Dday" & "after Dday".

I guess I look at the whole A period as a DDay. In my case it was only a few months. So I guess it all feels the same. But I will see when I hit my 1 yr. it's coming soon.

We remember the dates of major tragedies in our lives. Deaths, 9/11, house fires, and the day we learn that everything we thought we knew, counted on, believed in...was a lie. It's the day our lives change.

And, don't really have a concept of "affair season". How about affair decade? Yeah, I have years and years to deal with and to process. Different situations for all of us, but so many of the same feelings. Hurt, pain, sadness, loss. Bleh!

I just think it a way we as a species find a way for commonality. You could ask the same question on why we celebrate or denigrate any date...plus it gives us something to put in our tag lines. For some that are blindsided (hint hint me) it was a traumatic day in my life. Maybe someday it will lose it's luster and impact. If this was a forum for people grieving the loss of a grandparent, maybe that would be the date that is talked about.

I don't remember the day, it was a slow process. And it was really a year period. I hate thinking about 2009. It used to be 1995. That's why I got divorced so it wouldn't be another year that was destroyed.

Even before coming on SI I remembered dday#1's date. I remember it because it was the day my life changed. I will never be the same as I was prior to dday. I tend to think I am a better person now, but it still changed me.

It was the death of my old marriage. Now to have a date to celebrate the new life(marriage) that has come from these ashes.

I think it is because it is the day that changed our lives as we knew it. Nothing after DDay#1 is the same. It is the death of our marriage as we knew it. It changed our lives forever in a very bad way. I no longer remember the DDay's from my first marriage as actual dates on a calendar. Too many for too many years to keep up with. But the DDay's from my second marriage will forever be burned into my brain. Maybe because I am older now and loved my WH#2 and our marriage so much. I was totally blindsided by the A and even over a year later I am still in shock by it all.

That day has huge signifigance to me. I didn't have a clue until that day and it is the day that my (our) life changed forever. We are doing well in reconcilliation, rocky sometimes, but still progressing, but nothing will EVER be quite the same after that day. Now as far as hitting the anniversaries of that day, I just pretty much ignore it. But I still hate that day above all others.

The day itself doesn't have huge significance for me but is significant.

I mean I call D-Day #1 the day he finally admitted he was physically unfaithful. Yet it was six months before I found text that made me uncomfortable and I thought it was an EA. It was almost year after D-day #1 before OW#3 was admitted.

I guess D-Day is where I draw the line in the sand and measure things from - so I have a gauge of him and the M improving or not.

My theory, -an antiversary date is nothing more than a number on the calender that triggers us into pain, because the pain is not processed sufficiently enough yet and this is combined with there not being enough trumping happiness thought. I'm 3 years into recovery now and I think about D-day more like a Recovery Anniversary date.

Mine's really close so I can remember the time-day-date- what I was wearing- what she was wearing- how and where I was sat- look on her face- sound of voice- exact words BUT it's not actually that day that bugs me to think about- it's the days I know they happened that turn my stomach and I hope they're not on my mind too much next year- wishful thinking!!

I do seriously LOVE the more positive stories though!!

It was the death of my old marriage.

THIS^^^^^^

With her LTAs there was no "season". It was every-fucking season for years. Dday for me marked the beginning of the overt lying and disrespect, and the end of ignorant innocence. It is the day I met my real W for the first time that I was aware of.

I think it's better if you can forget the date. Unfortunately, I can't not remember mine.

Sometimes there is a significance to the day, for example if D-day was on Christmas or your birthday.

But I honestly feel this could be one of the very few "downsides" of this forum. I think members tend to put more significance on the D-day because they read about so many others who talk about how to "get through the antiversary" and other such topics.

I'm only basing this on the casual observations here and my own experience. But I had four significant D-days in my first M, which was before the days of Interent and this forum. The only one of them that I remember the exact day would be the last which was on Father's Day, and even for that one, I'd have to consult a calendar from that year to figure out the exact day of the month since Father's day varies.

I remember the exact days from the two days in this M. I just have a feeling being aware of the term "D-day" did make a difference for me.

With her LTAs there was no "season". It was every-fucking season for years. Dday for me marked the beginning of the overt lying and disrespect, and the end of ignorant innocence. It is the day I met my real W for the first time that I was aware of.

^^^^This for me as well, yep LTA's suck. I had been married for 7 yrs and been together for 9 when Dday hit and it was the first day I ACTUALLY met the person that I truly married. I didn't know who she was before then.

I am getting a D so now it represents the day I started my journey on to better things. I was 2 years out a week ago and this year was good. Dday was just another day

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:52 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]

Honestly, I think part of it might be that many BS's on this site are women. Women tend to hold dates at a higher level of importance then guys do. In the case of DDay, it's not necessarily because we want to (heaven knows I didn't WANT to), but we do because dates are important to us.