Anyone else feel this foolish for not having seen through the bullshit?
Before we were married, when we were travelling in the car, she would sing "You Are My Sunshine" to me. She would hold hands at every opportunity, and loved kissing and cuddling. Once the band was on her hand, that all came to a grinding halt.
Now she's wooing OM in the same way. He is also a musician (like me), also has ADHD (like me), works in IT (like me), and has family issues (like me). Anyone see a pattern? He is, however, extremely unattractive (totally unlike me).
What's that saying about the definition of crazy? Doing the exact same thing but expecting different results.
So, yes, I was stupid. But she's fucking nuts!
He was always beneath me. I still don't understand why I settled.
I did love the way he 'loved' me though. There was a certain charm in his desperation. That part only lasted a few years and I wasted double that waiting for it to come back. In all honesty that is really the only thing I really liked about him.
He is a simpleton. A puddle is deeper. I mistook it for naiveté.
He has no genuine integrity. Its all for show. I believed the act.
He has poor impulse control - he is led by the emotion he is feeling at that moment. His lack of depth makes this possible. I couldn't ignore this one once I had a toddler to compare him to.
He only truly feels happy when being reckless. I attributed that to his Catholic upbringing. The self loathing runs far deeper than that.
I'm deeply embarrassed about having ever been his wife.
I cannot believe I had children with him.
The shocking thing is none of this is news to me. I knew it all well before DD. For that I feel foolish.
Hope is a devil of a thing.
I saw a quote here once about how women tend to fall in love with a man's potential. I know I certainly did.
Well, I dated someone else for a long time and poopsmear wasn't around me at all for over a year due to school/job stuff. 2 months after breaking up with my boyfriend, I ran into poopsmear who found out I was single and hit me HARD with the charm. I fell for it and within months it was getting bad. I should have listened to my original assessment of the guy. He was/is/always will be an ASSHOLE, lying, cheater, SOB.
I feel stupid. I hate him because of the crap he still continues to pull.
While I do feel foolish for being duped, since I can't change the past, I try to focus on the present and future instead. But, yes, I hate that I ignored so many red flags and wore my rose-colored glasses for so long. There were other guys interested in me, but no one who pursued me as hard, and I thought my family and I could make up for what he'd suffered as a kid. Stupid old codependent me!
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
I am horribly embarrassed that I ever was involved with this guy.
That is the biggest reason for being in IC right now.
Ex even admits to being an asshole. It's like he's proud of it. He liked to say it. "I'm an asshole, everyone thinks so."
Wow, the red flags I ignored.
I need a lot of therapy to get over this asshole.
I am the poster child for stupidity.
The red flags were waving wildly for years. I didn't see them, except in the rearview mirror.
It's affair season; I am really struggling with anger at myself. Rationally, I understand that I was young and naive and knew no better. I fell in love with a man like my (profoundly personality disordered) father---but nicer. At 16, when your male role model is a malignant narcissist, nice is important.
Even then, Mr. Trac-Fone was leading a double life. All of 3 months older than me, but his FOO required that he learned to lie and sneak and wear a mask in the cradle.
He peeled it partway off now and then, but I didn't see.
Only now, when I look back, I realize I saw more than I thought. I just had no way to frame it. I'm still working on that part! (It's hard to make sense of nonsense, so this is largely an exercise in accepting disorder.)
So I am getting off of this crazy train and divorcing him now--time to cut my losses.
Feel stupid for expecting him to break NC on holidays, bd's, anni's, etc. Never happens. Guess I'm stupid & crazy ...