I posted part of this in a response on another thread, but just had to share the conclusion I came to:
STBXWW spent 17.5 years ignoring everything about me, while I convinced myself I was desperately in love with her.
Before we were married, when we were travelling in the car, she would sing "You Are My Sunshine" to me. She would hold hands at every opportunity, and loved kissing and cuddling. Whenever we had time together, she would plan dates for us. i reciprocated with all of this, and was just so happy to have someone to love. Once the band was on her hand, all her effort came to a grinding halt.
Now she's wooing OM in the same way. He is also a musician (like me), also has ADHD (like me), works in IT (like me), and has family issues (like me). Anyone see a pattern? He is, however, extremely unattractive (totally unlike me, thank you very much!).
Back when he and his now ex-wife were neighbours, STBXWW hated him. She couldn't stand when we hung out with them, or that he and I would get together to jam once in a while. I know, right? She may have been protesting too loudly.
So, when I first found out she was banging this guy (after I moved out), it hurt like hell. I eventually got over this, but then found out that they were actually dating. That hurt even worse - sobbed until I could hardly breathe.
This all kind of pisses me off too, because as we were separating she was telling me what her counsellor had said: Neither one of us should date for at least a year, to give us time to mourn.
She told me this several times, but is in a relationship with this uglier, crazier ME!
As I was just thinking about this however, that's where I saw the compliment: She lost me, but couldn't wait to start up with someone similar. I was so damn cool, that she had to run out and find someone just like me.
I'm so cool!