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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: std testing
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Cool  Posted: 12:16 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In light of The Princess' possible multiple affairs, I thought I should get tested for STDs.

This really pissed me off. I mean, I didn't get any of the fun, but still may have been exposed.

So I came up with a plan.

I emailed her and said that I had been tested and had tested positive for something, but that I wasn't going to tell her what it was. She could just go ahead and get tested for "the entire suite" like I had to.

I made sure to add that she had best have them do a throat swab as well.

Then I waited. She came back negative for everything. Since I haven't screwed around, I expect I can assume I'm clean as well.

So I didn't have to get tested, but here is the best part: She has never acknowledged that there was anybody else. She confessed to the threesome that she almost had, but that I put a stop to when I discovered it the day before it was to happen, but swears that there was nothing else, and gets angry when I suggest otherwise.

So then why did she need to get tested?

I'm not even bothering to confront her with that bit of logic (logic not being her strong suit), but it brings me a great deal of satisfaction.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1841 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

> Why did she need to get tested?

Presumably because you had something and you used to be sexual partners?


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 819 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:45 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did you physically go to the doctors with her and sit in the room while the doctor told her she was 'clean' and saw the test results yourself? If you didn't I would be getting tested regardless, protect your own health.

Waywards have already proven they can't be trusted, why would you believe anything she tells you?


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1324 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, that was my thought. If you could lie about it, why not her.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yikes! Didn't think about the fact that she was already a proven liar; now you have me worried. I'll go get tested today.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1841 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
CallMeRed1
♀ Member
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bluebird said EXACTLY what I was thinking. When my EXWH had his results through (by phone) we put it on speakerphone so we could both hear it together. That was one of my conditions.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 186 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, she'd had sex with you. You told her you had something so she knew she was at risk.
The problem with this is that she now has cause to believe that you cheated.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 860 | Registered: Aug 2011
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The problem with this is that she now has cause to believe that you cheated.

My thought too..

Please get tested. Praying you come back clean!!


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2111 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. Get yourself tested regardless. First, she may be lying now, and secondly, even if she is clean now, would you know if she'd previously felt a little funky and been treated?


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 729 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, just because she tested clean right now isn't proof you will test clean. Even if she's not lying.

Get tested. This is your health, it's not really something you want to take chances with.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Snapdragon
♀ Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had myself tested for HIV every six month for 18 months. Just because the first test was negative doesn't mean it wouldn't show up later.

Oh... stop playing games. Now she thinks you cheated on her, got something, and potentially passed it on to her. I don't see any good coming from this little scam.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3077 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's along the lines of a professional liar, so why believe anything she has to say, let alone regarding the subject of an std. I would bet my house that she didn't get tested.

I would also bet that you did not scare her with the story about you having something. If that really were the case, she knows you would have gone through the roof, called her every name in the book, and flipped the fuck out. She knows you're lying just to try to catch her.

While I know it's tempting, don't play games with her or buy into her juvenile crap. It doesn't help you detach or heal and doing stuff like this just to get in a dig or ruin her day helps her justify her shitty behavior. In a sick way, it brings her and OM closer. "See, I told you it was torture being M to someone like that."

Just get tested for your own sake. Depending on the results, then you can figure out how to deal with telling her.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to swing a 2x4 but I just don't want you to lower yourself for her.

Fuck her.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2772 | Registered: Jan 2011
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not safe to assume that, because she "tested clean" (for what, you do not know), you also would.

Doctors run different panels.

The BS can test positive before the WS.

You're right. It totally sucks that the BS bears any of this.

But the reality is that you need to be tested for STDs.

Do you really want to trust your health with a proven cheat and liar? Whose doctor might or might not test for the same things your doctor would? (And who might not have even BEEN tested at all?)

I'm sorry. But it's just not that hard to give a lab a vial of blood and a swab or two. You haven't won anything if you wind up learning you were infected down the road.

ETA: Read further, and I'm glad you're being tested

[This message edited by solus sto at 10:13 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8588 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
LoveRising
♀ New Member
Member # 38688
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I came up with a plan.

I emailed her and said that I had been tested and had tested positive for something, but that I wasn't going to tell her what it was. She could just go ahead and get tested for "the entire suite" like I had to.

Really? You seem so proud of this...like you just "won" or got something over on her. You'd play with your own health this way? And feed into the drama she created in your relationship with a juvenile manipulation like this? I know that's a 2x4, but please take a look at this. You mention "logic" at the end of your post; there is no logic to the little "plan" you set up - it was all a lie. Just because we've been lied to does not mean we need to stoop to that behavior. It will only further damage us.

Get tested and be well!

[This message edited by LoveRising at 10:28 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]


Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Oregon
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This sort of reminds me of one of my favorite Mitch Hedberg jokes, largely because of the overall absurdity of the scheme and the fact that you're trusting the word of a liar.

Anyhow, here is the joke.

I've had the AIDS test four times. And that shit is scary, doesn't matter what you've been doing. So I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore, I get the roundabout AIDS test. I call up my friend Brian and say "Brian, do you know anyone that has AIDS?" "No." "Cool, cause you know me."

[This message edited by h0peless at 10:37 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]


Posts: 1657 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God damn, y'all. I felt pretty smart about this whole thing before you brought clear thought into it.

Yep, it was stupid and juvenile. I think I've mostly taken the high road to this point, so we'll think of that as my first stumble. Okay, it's probably not my first, but the first one I've had pointed out to me!

Anyhow, I went downtown to a clinic this morning, and the tests were really nothing to worry about. They took some blood and had me pee in a cup, then there was a very quick physical inspection.

The doctor who inspected me said I have a "lovely urethra".

Why thank you, ma'am! I wish I had a million dollars for every time I'd been told that.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1841 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The doctor who inspected me said I have a "lovely urethra"

You just can't make this shit up...


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17341 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyhow, I went downtown to a clinic this morning
Good!


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25073 | Registered: Aug 2011
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The doctor who inspected me said I have a "lovely urethra".

Thank you. Thank you very much. Now I have to clean bananna yogurt off of my keyboard. Sticky ......


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 19

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